..::..::..::.. Cynism is a way of life ..::..::..::..

I Wish...

2008-08-03T14:46:00.005+08:00

I could see you right now. To be in your arms. And to call you mine.

How Long An Hour Can Take, When You're Staring Into Open Space...

2008-07-09T23:31:00.003+08:00

It's funny how short a time it takes for you to start missing someone, and how the time you spend with them always seem inadequate. It's also weird how I feel like I'm living a waking dream right now, with previously impossible scenarios being possible. It's funny, really... Hmmm... *takes a deep breath*

Life is, as they always say - beautiful, isn't it?

"How soft a whisper can get
When your're walking through a
Crowded space
I hear every word being said
And I remember that everyday
I get a little bit closer to you

How long an hour can take
When you're staring into open space
When I feel I'm slipping further away
I remember that everyday
I get a little bit closer to you

These are the days
That I won't get back
I won't hear you cry
Or hear you laugh
And when it's quiet
And i don't hear a thing
I can always hear you breathe

You know there's nowhere else
I've wanted to be
Than be there when you needed me
I'm sorry too
But don't give up on me
And just remember that when you
Were asleep
I got a little bit closer to you"

-- "Closer to You", The Wallflowers

To VAD

2008-07-04T14:23:00.004+08:00

Today is my last day of work. And my feelings are those of melancholy and anticipation. Melancholy because I have to part with the people who I have spent the bulk of the past 3 months with. Most of us became good friends fast. The kind that will give you a lasting impression about life. Let me tell you about them.

Saifullah @ OKU @ Orang Kurang Upaya @ Cacat
He calls me "Cina mencirit". I still have no idea what mencirit means. I call him OKU (until he met an accident which left him semi-OKU - after that I thought it was just plain mean). He is my bitch partner at work. We get together and bitch about the undeserving assholes in office. The only one so far who pulled me aside and told me he will miss me - and that was the first time I've seen his serious side.

Mahathir @ Tok Guru
My mentor. He taught me how to fix actuators, store operations, production operations and where to smoke and when to do it. I practically tagged along with him everywhere during the first 2 weeks when I was still not used to the factory environment. The most dedicated of all the people. Dude, good luck having your first baby and congratulations. :)

Pak Lah @ Badawi
He sells really awesome one ringgit (YES ONE RINGGIT) mee and nasi lemak every morning at 10am when it's break time. Besides that, he'll be telling me dumb shit sex stories while working. I helped him at his station for a full week, toiling with him with packing. He picks up aluminum cans from garbage bins and sells them for extra money. And when he won a trip to Phuket during the company lucky draw, he sold the tickets away so that he could feed his 2 children. Frugal and dedicated, he changed the way I looked at these people.

Jin Tuck
The dude who sits in front of me in office. Nerdy looking as hell. He hels me print everything I need printed. He also printed a whole manual about Kanban and 5S so I could read about it. The dude who took me out to lunch and introduced me to the food in Nilai. The dude who helps me buy stuff from 7-11 when I'm not free. Sorry I stopped having lunch after the 3rd week - I just felt that breakfast was enough. Thanks for everything.

Ezam @ Super
A man with many words of wisdom. Always serious. Always metaphorical. You're like that old man sitting on a mountain - except maybe a hundred years younger. Thanks for the words and advice. I'll remember everyone of them, no matter how absurd. :)

Azlan
You're so outspoken you make the rest look like kindergarten kids. The only one willing to voice out grievances in front your bosses and make a ruckus when you think they're mistreating the assemblers. You're funny as hell and is kurang ajar as fuck. I admit - I hated you when I first came but when I got to know you, you're like the king of all the hantu-hantu.

Mad Duan @ Mad One
My smoking partner and number one comedian. One of those people with a laugh so infectious that they have to lock you in a room everytime you laugh. Too bad you FFK me in Genting because I swore I'd drag you on the spaceshot ride. :)

Guna @ Tarak Guna
Guna you memang tarak gunalah, Guna. Janji keling saja tau. He taught me everything about Assembly Line 4 - not a small feat considering that the line is huge. Gave me hands-on for all the large actuator assemblies. The first time I got my hands, shirt and pants dirty as hell. You made me feel like one of those gritty factory workers. And you taught me I need to work out my arms more because I can't carry anything in the line for shit.

Norihzam @ Bulat @ Budak Gay
Gay fucker who spends his weekends at Planet Hollywood. A lot of life stories from this nice fellow. Old as hell, talks like he's 16 years old. Time to get a girlfriend and get married bro? Steals my mints from me everyday. Hahaha In your words - Kalau ada jodoh kita akan bertemu lagi, bang.

And many, many, many, many more. If I continue writing, it'll take me 3 days and a whole lot more blog space. I'm sure no one would be interested in that. I'll miss you people - not in a gay way. Thanks for everything. I didn't expect this training to be so awesome. I started hoping that it would end soon but now I really don't want to leave...

You're My Angel...

2008-07-03T11:26:00.001+08:00

I feel it, you feel it
That this was meant to be.
I know it, you know it
That you were made for me.
We can't deny this any longer
Day by day we're getting stronger.
I want it, you want it
It's what the people want to see.

We're like Romeo and Juliet
Families can't divide us.
Like the tallest mountain on the widest sea
Nothing's big enough to hide us.
When we make love its overwhelming
I just touch the heavens
You're an angel, you're an angel

I said this world, this world.
Could leave us anyday
But my love for you, it will never go away.
And I don't wanna go to sleep
'cause you are like a dream
For every night I say a prayer,
And I swear you are the answer
You're an angel, you're an angel, you're an angel.

So we take it each moment our love grows
I see it, you see it,
What we have is made of gold
We're so filled with meaning,
Nothing can make us shallow.
So I hold it, and you hold it
The promise of tomorrow.
When we make love its overwhelming
I just touch the heavens.
You're an angel, you're an angel

And I said this world, this world
Could leave us anyday
But my love for you, it will never go away.
And I don't wanna go to sleep
'cause you are like a dream
For every night I say a prayer,
And I swear you are the answer
You're an angel, you're an angel, you're an angel.

I don't need three wishes
Oh I just need one
For us to never be finished
For us to never be numb
When they say it's over
We'll just say I love you
And when they say it's finished
We'll just keep on building.

And I said this world, this world
Could leave us anyday
But my love for you, it will never go away.
And I don't wanna go to sleep
'cause you are like a dream
For every night I say a prayer,
And I swear you are the answer [x2]

You're an angel, you're an angel, you're an angel.

Yes you are. You're an angel

--Leona Lewis, Angel

And Can You Believe He's Only 20??!

2008-06-27T10:00:00.003+08:00

I wish he had a better YouTube video.. This so doesn't do him justice..

He sounds twenty times better on his cd... and fifty times better in person.

And don't get me started on that awesome British accent. :P

I guess I'll rap on your door, tap on your window pane

2008-06-26T10:24:00.003+08:00

I've learnt my lesson.. "Never say Never."

You're my 3rd never... =)

I Know You're In Pain

2008-06-25T10:01:00.002+08:00

So cheer up sayang. I'll be here.

*hugs and never wanna let you go*

Call me a dork. Call me anything you want. After you're okay we'll go get that ice cream I owe you alright? :)

2 hours sleep is NOT enough. I bought someone the wrong daulphin on fluff. grr.

2008-06-23T10:29:00.001+08:00

*cuddles*

because you need them...

and maybe because I need them more.

LOL

2008-06-21T15:41:00.001+08:00

LOL ROFL LMAO tak tahan! best image I have ever seen in a long time. Posted by kerengge in the Photomalaysia forums.

I Am Really Thankful...

2008-06-17T21:50:00.003+08:00

For the fact that you've been there for me. For the fact that I am reminded of how much fun it is hanging out with you. For the laughs, the good times we have together and the endless cursing and bitching. For you just being who you are.

It's funny how I turned into Serdang instead of heading north today. I smiled to myself as I turned west into the setting sun.

Love you girl. Waw. :)

The final light of the day...

Every girl's anthem

2008-06-16T18:13:00.003+08:00

Should be this...

Peel me a grape, crush me some ice
Skin me a peach, save the fuzz for my pillow
Talk to me nice, talk to me nice
Youve got to wine and dine me

Dont try to fool me bejewel me
Either amuse me or lose me
Im getting hungry, peel me a grape

Pop me a cork, french me a fry
Crack me a nut, bring a bowl full of bon-bons
Chill me some wine, keep standing by
Just entertain me, champagne me
Show me you love me, kid glove me
Best way to cheer me, cashmere me
Im getting hungry, peel me grape

Heres how to be an agreeable chap
Love me and leave me in luxurys lap
Hop when I holler, skip when I snap
When I say, do it, jump to it

Send out for scotch, call me a cab
Cut me a rose, make my tea with the petals
Just hang around, pick up the tab
Never out think me, just mink me
Polar bear rug me, dont bug me
New thunderbird me, you heard me
Im getting hungry, peel me a grape

Diana Krall - Peel Me a Grape

Yeah, if you men think you've got it easy... think again!

The Pack of Pigs

2008-06-12T18:36:00.005+08:00

You know, since I'm internet-less now, I get about 5 minutes of time online to check my mail, read Cracked and just surf. However, today I'm dedicating my 5 minutes to some of the whoriest, most fucked up people I have ever chanced upon so far.

I'm going to keep this as civil as possible with minimum sporadic letter capping. I'm not implying there will be NO letter capping at all - just not sporadic. Ladies and gentlemen, brace yourselves (I'm sorry you had to read this) and let's start with the entree:

*sucks in a deep breath*

To fat lady aka Nathan Explosion:
"WHAT THE FUCK HAD THAT GOT TO DO WITH YOU, YOU STUPID FAT WHORE???"

To Fishmonger Lady:
"WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU TRYING TO ACHIEVE MAKING SOMEONE SOUND LIKE A CHEAP SLUT?!!!"

*deep breath*

Okay. Time for the main course. I'll be serving three delectable dishes.

Dear Nathan Explosion. You know, some people love sticking their noses into things that have nothing to do with them. You, I'm afraid, are the best example of someone so socially inept that you have to go on and get yourself embroiled in this shit. Me being there had nothing to do with you - I just wanted to make sure my friend was fine and happy. I bet you have never ever had a dude love you that much before. You know what is beautiful about you? /quotes Nathan Explosion/ "NOTHINGGGGGGG!!!!!!!"

You are an obese, lazy tub of lard with nothing better to do in life but to bitch about things that do not concern you the very least. You have boring friends. You have no talent in anything except eating. Your hobby would be chewing your nails when you have nothing else to eat and making moist assburgers in the toilet. And you will remain single forever. Forever!

Nathan Explosion - The fucking swine that soars above the rest in being a real whore.

Dear Fishmonger Lady. You are old. Please stub away that cigarette and let the leukemia kill you off. I bet you've had a sucky life thus far. And never, I repeat, NEVER make my friend sould like a cheap whore ever again. Because I eat people like this for breakfast. I'm just too lazy to comprehend what kind of silly excuse for a life you've been leading so far. Don't waste my time.

Fishmonger Lady - Leading her flock since 1959.

Dear Horse-face Lady. I never knew you. I've never seen you before. But you know what? Fuck you. Fuck you long time.

Horse-faced lady. Looks like any other swine.

Never, ever mother-fucking lay a hand on my dear friend. I love her lots. I will hate you even more. I can tolerate a lot of things (trust me in this) but I can't tolerate this sort of drama just to diss someone and make a crapola of utterly fucked up statements about pingz. Don't make me fucking run you over with my car. Don't make me hear anymore of this shit for I shall smite you myself.

p/s - fuck you weird women.
pp/s - *flicks finger*
ppp/s - my 5 minutes are over. *flicks another finger*

Y'know, Being a Bitch Isn't Going to Get You Very Far

2008-06-11T09:23:00.002+08:00

Fucking fat bitch...can't you fucking mind your own business? Wtf is your problem??! Can't you fucking keep your nose out of things that don't concern you??? I KNOW you NEED to create DRAMA in your sad, VERY FUCKING PATHETIC, friend-less, SINGLE (forever) life.. but WTF??!!

I knew you were going to complain... and I KNEW you were gonna complain to HER... but I gave you the benefit of the doubt, thinking that IF you wanted to complain you'd at least have the decency to TALK to ME about it first... but nope..you proved you're fucking cibai to the core. DAMN DULANNNNNNN!!!

(Even I probably don't need to hope because it's probably true) but I hope (no, scratch that... CURSE) you remain in your sad, VERY FUCKING PATHETIC, friend-less, SINGLE (forever) life out of which you'd always snitch on people to try to get ahead only it never happens because you really are as lousy as you're unwilling to admit.

CML, she probably thinks you might rape her or something, because duh.. there's no one else in the house. OOPS, do you wanna puke now?? I do too. XD Faster curse her (since the stuff you say always comes true right)...

FUCK you Bloody FAT FUCK of a WHORE!!I hope you ROT in HELL with your Best Friends (the I-Don't-Have-Freaking-Fashion-Sense bitch & the I'm-Hell-Ugly-Because-I-Have-a-Horse-Face slut)

*rant over*

If You Need Me I'm Your Country

2008-06-10T19:41:00.002+08:00

Yes I know, this song is like, 5 years old. But I'm loving it now. And since I have only 5 minutes of internet time (because I don't exactly have a line with me now), come sit down with me, hold my hand and reminisce...

"Oh it’s healing bang bang bang
I can hear your cannons call
You’ve been aiming at my land
Your hungry hammer’s falling
And if you want me, I’m your country

I’m an angel bored like hell
And you’re a devil meaning well
You steal my lines and you strike me down
Come raise your flag upon me
And if you want me, I’m your country
If you win me I’m forever, oh yeah

Cause you’re the storm that I believed in
And all this peace has been deceiving
I like the sweet life and the silence
But it’s the storm that I believe in

Come and conquer and drop your bombs
Cross my borders and kill the calm
Bear your fangs and burn my wings
I hear bullets singing
And if you want me, I’m your country
If you win me I’m forever, oh yeah

Cause you’re the storm that I believed in
And all this peace has been deceiving
I need some wind to get me sailing
So it’s the storm that I believe in

You fill my heart you keep me breathing
Cause you’re the storm that I believe in
And if you want me I'm your country"

The Cardigans - You're The Storm

Happy Belated (oops) Birthday Loopyboo!

2008-06-05T09:20:00.003+08:00

I honestly swear as your bff, i did not forget your birthday... I was supposed to blog about it last night after I got home... but seeing as a normally 15 minute drive took 2 1/2 freaking hours because our gov is too idiotic to realise that people really are very kiasu and that they should release news of a petrol hike at least a week in advance (heck, make it a month!) when I got home I was just too tired to do anything except eat and sleep... I'm SORRY!! *gives you the bambi-eyed look*

So anyway, I hope you're having a blast over there (household chores aside..hehheh) and remember to buy more stuff for me.. I don't care if you're going to be overweight.. I BETTER GET SOME NICE STUFF! :P Thanks for being such a wonderful friend all these years.. *huggles and cuddles* Faster go get a job so we can go house hunting okay... grrr.. you can't back out on me now or else.. *SNIP SNIP* got it? XD love youuuu!

The Amazing Logic of Sam

2008-06-04T13:46:00.003+08:00

After a short conversation in Coffee Bean on the difference in the spots of leopards and cheetahs and the genders of animals... (the red is Sam, the purple is Jill)

A lioness is a lioness because it doesn't have a mane.

A lioness is a lioness because it's female!

Huh? So ness = female?

Errr...

So according to your logic...

(refers back to previously discussed topic of a peacock we saw tied by the side of the road at a pet store)

...the female of a peacock... is a PEA-NESS?!

*stunned silence at my very Freudian comment*

ooops..

I'm Bored At Work part 2

2008-06-02T16:07:00.005+08:00

So once again, I finished my work early today but I could only punch out at 5.30pm. So after lunch I made myself comfy and popped in the external hard disk, slowly combing through the movies I have until I found the movie Crash.

It's about coincidences and how the people who walk past you in your daily life, whether noticed or not, can play a pivotal role in whatever that is going to transpire later on in that time period. It's about the beauty of emotions and how people from different social backgrounds, attitude and color perceive the world as a whole. It is the second time I'm watching this movie and I still find it astounding.

It gets you thinking.

"Thought you had all the answers
to rest your heart upon
but something happens
don't see it coming, now
you can't stop yourself
now you're out there swimming
in the deep

Life keeps tumbling you heart in circles
till you let go
till you shed your pride and you climb to heaven
and you throw yourself off
now you're out there spinning in the deep"

--Bird York, In the Deep

The Pull of the British

2008-06-01T13:04:00.010+08:00

So to all girls (and, freakily, guys) who watch Gossip Girl (to all those rolling eyes: it's pretty addictive okay! :P) I'm sure ya'll have a favourite character(s) in the show... First, lets get all the generic statements out of the way...I like both Blair and Serena, hate both Jenny and Vanessa (or more like..get annoyed with), HATE GEORGINA (whore-gina, as Chuck put it), think Nate and Dan are both cute, and can't decide if Serena is cuter with Dan or Nate...

But OMG... let's focus on CHUCK shall we? *swoon* Those eyes.. That smile... The omg-so-fucking-sexy British accent....

Yes, as evil as Chuck may seem in the show... he practically grows on you.. He occasionally (almost apologetically) exhibits some nice qualities that makes him much more decent than how he comes across.. and I was rooting for him to end up with Blair, but I guess his irresistibility is to be blamed here.. How is he to give up tons of hot women flocking to him just for Blair??!

His slow (almost slimy - if you are disgusted) and lazy drawl, and his cool composure is so in tune with his womanizing, trouble-making character. And because of his 'attributes', it just makes his "being sweet" moments even sweeter...

Pity bout that put-on American slang. His hot accent and cute grin on GG Exposed were practically orgasmic.

I'm Bored At Work

2008-05-29T16:18:00.003+08:00

The clock strikes 4.00 pm, the sweet beeps of the alarm signals the end of the shift and a throng of assemblers line themselves in front of the checking out machine, eager to swipe their ID cards. My shift does not end till 5.30pm and from this point onwards, time starts its arduous crawl as though teasing me as I long to get out of work.

"Cheow, 'internship' tu apa maknanya?", one of the assemblers asked, finger pointed at my identity tag which boldly stated that I am an intern.

"Perkataan 'inter' tuh maknanya dalam kan? 'Ship' tuh kapal kan? Jadi maknanya Cheow dalam kapal lah", another assembler cut into the conversation. An uproar of laughter filled the shop floor.

These people are the people I deal with every day. People with no educational backgrounds and are brought up in harsh, not-so-well to do families. Funnily, I enjoy every moment with every one of them - their useless, time wasting banter, their jokes and of course, the occasional bitching moments where we get together for coffee and bitch about our bosses and then proceed to pick numbers so that they could have 4 digits to fill into the Magnum and Toto slips come Wednesday.

I have my daily Javanese classes here, amidst the metallic scraping sounds of the press machines and the sharp hissing sounds of actuators being depressurized. Kabare? Waras. Wes mangan? Mangan dah...

Contrary to my dear blog partner (who is not paid and overworked - pity her), I spend my day watching movies, animes, sitcoms, youtube and listening to a wide array of songs I have downloaded and have not had the chance to listen yet (100 gigs of music can take you a long way). Besides that I download e-books and poison myself with the latest in photography.

I have a feeling that I would remember these people for a long time and possibly keep in contact with them after I finish my training. I'll remember the sour smells of grease mixed with the smell of freshly shaven metal pieces couples with the stench of keretek and other cheap cigarettes after break time at 10.15 in the morning. Suddenly I thought about Santas' elves singing along merrily in a production line while smoking cheap cigarettes. Weird. And of course, the mornings when I enter the toilet and my boss would be busy emptying buckshots from hell into the toilet bowl - how would I ever forget that.

Oh boy do exams look sooo good right now...

2008-05-27T13:37:00.004+08:00

This whole 'working without pay' thing is becoming a drag... NEVER ever substitute 'experience' for $$$... it's all bullshit. And to people who keep saying 'Aiyah, it's an internship. Biasa lar, they won't pay you'.. I'd like to see YOU work for 40 hours aweek, 174 hours a month (no, not a miscalculation; I work every alternate saturday!) for no pay and then you can talk. Food is expensive, travel is expensive... aaarrrgghhhhh... *broke*

How can people say they prefer working over studying?? how how HOW??!! WAKE UP PEOPLE! it ain't fun having to wake up early every morning... not nap in the afternoon... and stare at a computer screen all day... oh, what I'd give to laze in bed till 10... eat lunch while watching shows... and go out when I feel like it... Oh wait, I forgot...some of you actually attend classes.. :P

All right, I'm depressed now... need comfort food.. *wanders off to look for chocolate cake with cream cheese frosting*

I'm SO SORRY!!

2008-05-12T15:42:00.002+08:00

mmm... lately i've been MIA (aside from the one post on MDG which didn't even win me anything.. gah! all i have to say is... MDG sucks balls cause 1. Hanis didn't win! 2. The bitch slutwhore won 3. I should've freakin won something!)... and i truly apologize for such... er.. neglect?

well...first i got hooked on hp (for the uninitiated, that's Human Pets on fb.., and for the further uninitiated that's an application on Facebook..., and if you still don't know what i'm talking about.. my gawd, thaw that block of ice you're frozen in and get updated!) and then i started going crazy over fluff friends.. (and yes, all this happened during my exams and study break...please don't tell my parents..heh) i've collected over 100gold so far, am so proud of myself! :D if you would like to read the stories i wrote in exchange for 'gold' payment, go here..

and then i got shipped off to my internship with Melinda Looi, and have been totally snowed under for the past 2 weeks with all kinds of work. and no, i don't get paid so don't hope i'll belanja makan just cause i'm supposedly 'working'.. :P meh, i got more money selling alco at tesco... shit. so anyway, if you see me 'selling out' in my blogs, it's because i have no money! sorry... *berdrama sungguh*

so anyway, i've been living in Cheras...and OMG...i know how to take public transportation! (by public transport, i *don't* mean LRT/ monorail/ KTM... i mean BUS...o.O) okay, so i only know how to take it to work..and back... and to town... at least it's SOMETHING.. :P and the fashion industry in Malaysia can be a bit of a bore, and some of my co-workers are...simply indescribable.. (and not in a very good way), and i love my housemates! (or at least 2 of them)

kl-lites...let's meet up! soon...very soon... :D

Wah i dunno how to title this crap

2008-05-06T00:32:00.004+08:00

I woke up abruptly in cold sweat. The fluorescent light on the ceiling blinded me with an unforgiving wash of pure white, as if telling me everything is okay as it embraced me in its non-existent warmth. There was also a slight glimmer from across my bed - my computer screen - which has been idle for four hours, steadily showing me the work I have yet to finish, like an omnious rectangular block detailing the sins of laziness.

I slowly crawled out of bed, suddenly remembering that Popiah was supposed to use my computer to gauge the internet service. I looked at my door knob. There it was - loosely set into the door with signs of wear and tear lacking the silver luster it once had - something I never really thought of. It was locked. He couldn't have used my computer. Was it urgent? On my right, laid 113 pieces of paper I had photocopied earlier. Was I supposed to deliver them tonight to another friend? I don't remember. Just beside the ream of paper sat a small birthday present - one that I may end up keeping instead of giving. The small paper cube lined with small ribbons perched precariously on top of my cupboard together with a smogasbord of trinkets and paraphernalia, was sealed shut and was made of the reddest red I have ever seen. My heart skipped a beat when I saw this. Were we even still friends?

That's when I also caught glimpse of that small stash of memories boxed away at one corner of my room - locked under dust and forgotten through the times. Curiousity kills the feline in a person. I wiped away the layer of dust and pried it open with care. A part of me didn't want to look through this. Another part screamed for me to open and sieve through the container. The latter tore and clawed at my conscience at the inner-most parts of my mind, where unsurmountable memories yearn to be released.

As I write this I have already opened it. I have already sifted through the cards, silly trinkets, notes, letters and small soft toys. I already happened upon the wad of receipts detailing how much I have spent, where, and on who. Something inside of me exploded like a cyst, with the yellow toxic flowing into my heart like a searing river of molten pus. I felt incarcerated in my own self.

Self-loathe seeped out of every pore in my body and the usual conundrum of "what ifs" build and impenetrable wall of desolation and confusion as my head spun and I look at myself in utter disgust. Ugly, disfigured even, in the glaring eyes of perfection cast by society. Oh how I wish I had looked different! Even the hammer hanging from my wall taunted me: "Use me! Use me!". Every word people have said to me begun racing through my mind. The good, the bad, and the ugly all in an unending steam of melancholy. Even the subtle comfort of staring into my computer screen left me with an unbearable aftertaste - knowing that everyone in my MSN list had someone to care for. I swear I head a chuckle from the dull glow of the LCD.

I began to wonder what goes through the head of people scrutinizing me. It only seemed probable that I was like a candle under the glaring stares of a thousand suns. Most probably I'd just melt away and then flowing into the barren earth before I fizzle into nothingness.

+++

So what prompted me to write this? I don't know either. Somehow everytime I look at the sign-in page of this blog, it carries with it an imaginary banner shouting "Bitch/Ramble here!". One more cigarette and I'll be returning to my report for tomorrow. Long day ahead, tomorrow. The very thought of dealing with Shift B assemblers make me want to run them over with my car. I miss Shift A assemblers. Mahathir, Pak Lah, Mad Duan, Ezam, Komeng.

Perhaps I need TLC from someone, anyone. Only two people keep my sanity in check. One of whom I currently have problems with. The other one saves me from boredom in the bustling heart of Kuala Lumpur, but only for the duration of an internship. Oh well, one is better than none.

And the Hearts All Over the World Tonight

2008-04-12T22:16:00.003+08:00

Oh the irony. The ones I hated are the ones I love now. The ones I loved, I absolutely hate now.

I'm sure there were things and scenarios we've all experienced that we wish we could undo and redo for a better outcome - preferably to tailor our wants and needs as of this moment in time. There was a time when you used to call me late at night to cry. Those were the times I was blinded by the slander of others. I wish I had listened to you. I wish I was there to help. Just because I find a great friend in you now...

Now as all of us part ways, everything lies in ruins - all the fun, hopes and dreams. Thanks for everything. For that one short glimmering part in life I'll remember forever...

If I could undo time, I would have never taken that short semester off.

I Can't

2008-03-24T17:35:00.003+08:00

I wonder who you were. That beautiful gaze, piercing eyes as you stared at me staring at you. That small cute smile as your lips creased upwards. That beautiful hair you delicately bunched up as you stared.

I wonder who you are. Because I can't get you off my mind...

Part of me tells me I've already lost you...

Euphoria

2008-03-19T00:17:00.003+08:00

I fell in love with this little thing today. *sniffffffffffff* hmm.. Euphoria for men. Euphoric to me. Heh. I love the second note and how it matures after you leave it on long. My whole room smells of it now. But that's just the free sample.

Fuck I wish I had some money with me now... *starts scheming*

Fraser's!

2008-03-16T20:32:00.006+08:00

Last Saturday the guys were bored. Suddenly someone mentioned Fraser's Hill. And Fraser's Hill it was - without any prior planning, no hotel bookings and no pre-planned activities. Everything was to be ad-hoc.

We left Serdang and shot up towards the Karak Highway through the MRR 2 which spans Cheras. God, I've never seen a traffic jam so bad before in KL.

We then headed towards the quiet town of Banting. Banting was a small quaint little town with wadloads of pigeons. Everywhere you drive, you'll be pelted with fresh fecal bombs.

*flutter flutter*

We reached Fraser's Hill late - due to unexpected landslides. We got an apartment for the 9 of us at an uber cheap price of only RM150 a night. 2 rooms, 2 bathrooms, a hall, kitchen and a balcony. Woohoo!

For dinner we went to the Smoke House - a small traditional English alcove built in Malaya during the British occupation. Awesome food. Fucking expensive. The 9 of us clocked almost RM500.

They have a guest waiting hall! A fucking waiting hall! With a fireplace!

Butter and bun for appetizer.

Grilled lamb shank. Really awesome shit.

I ordered the Steak and Kidney pie. I loved the steak. But damn the kidney stank!

*gobble gobble*

The golf course at Fraser's.

We stayed the night gambling indoors due to the extreme COLD. I almost died in the cold i swear. I just reached home so I'm not in the mood to type too much. Heh.

Sungai Selangor.

Nature at her best.

Anyways take care people. I miss each and everyone of you. :)

Kawan Kawan Ku

2008-03-13T02:15:00.003+08:00

It's people like these few who make you feel at home, warm and fuzzy inside. It's people like this who make you appreciate friends.

Hope you had a great birthday dear Becca! Hope you liked the card! Too bad we didn't get to interrogate your new bf whoa was in a little hurry for the toilet (why do people always reach your place needing to pee?!) muahaha! I'll remember to bring my PSP everytime I'm supposed to meet you so you can ber-Patapon the whole day. Hehehe!

ping liz dear! Missing you already! I almost cried when I saw you off at Pudu (oklaa.. exaggerate a bit hehehe) Next time you come over remember - I still want to nudge you into a car wash! *rawr* We go Subang Parade car wash k? Looks really nice there. Better still if they have those huge revolving brush thinggies. Then give you free foot massage again!

Lotsa hugs and kisses to you both. Can't wait to see you girls again hehe. We need nicer pouting photos la..

*pout pout pout*

Yes. Camwhoring - our part time hobby.

Malaysia v2.0

2008-03-11T09:05:00.002+08:00

I won't go about typing what you already know happened last weekend. I woke up Sunday morning, took a shower and told myself we've been reborn. Did you see the sky that morning? Gorgeous.

The Aftermath:

Love Me Like You'll Never See Me Again

2008-03-07T16:36:00.002+08:00

"If I had no more time
No more time left to be here
Would you cherish what we had?
Was it everything that you were looking for?
If I couldn’t feel your touch
And no longer were you with me
I’d be wishing you were here
To be everything that I’d be looking for
I don’t wanna forget the present is a gift
And I don’t wanna take for granted the time you may have here with me
‘Cause Lord only knows another day is not really guaranteed

So every time you hold me
Hold me like this is the last time
Every time you kiss me
Kiss me like you’ll never see me again
Every time you touch me
Touch me like this is the last time
Promise that you’ll love me
Love me like you’ll never see me again

Oh Oh Ohhhhh

How many really know what love is?
Millions never will
Do you know until you lose it

That it’s everything that we are looking for
When I wake up in the morning
You’re beside me
I’m so thankful that I found
Everything that I been looking for

I don’t wanna forget the present is a gift
And I don’t wanna take for granted the time you may have here with me
‘Cause Lord only knows another day is not really guaranteed

So everytime you hold me
Hold me like this is the last time
Every time you kiss me
Kiss me like you’ll never see me again
(can you do that for me baby)
Every time you touch me
(see we don’t really know)
Touch me like this is the last time
(see everyday we never know)
Promise that you’ll love me
(I want you to promise me)
Love me like you’ll never see me again
(like you’ll never see me again)"

-Alicia Keys, "Like You'll Never See Me Again"

2008-03-04T03:06:00.002+08:00

And so I was bored. Started setting up something teenage-angst based, took my trusty penknife and my camera and started snapping away. Theme is "I Hate". Don't we all hate something? :) Good night people.

Temptations!!!

2008-03-03T17:58:00.003+08:00

Nikkor 50mm f/1.8... wah.... wah... wah... i like

Nikkor 18-200 mm VR. DOUBLE WAH.. WAH!!!. WAHHHH!!!! I LOVE!!!

*salivate* anyone wanna sponsor? hehe anyways got to go for my exams now. wish me luck!

Light Play 2

2008-02-29T21:25:00.003+08:00

I've been reading a lot from the Strobist. Lighting 102. Mostly for lighting and speedlight positioning, its effects and examples. Here are some more:

May not look like much. But the effort is incredible. And oh the ball and key? They had white backgrounds. Hehe.

Like a Rose Withering

2008-02-26T18:46:00.004+08:00

"You and me
We used to be together
Everyday together always
I really feel
That I'm losing my best friend
I can't believe
This could be the end
It looks as though you're letting go
And if it's real
Well I don't want to know

Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts

Our memories
Well, they can be inviting
But some are altogether
Mighty frightening
As we die, both you and I
With my head in my hands
I sit and cry

Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts (no, no, no)
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts

It's all ending
I gotta stop pretending who we are...
You and me I can see us dying...are we?

Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts (no, no, no)
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts
Don't tell me cause it hurts!
I know what you're saying
So please stop explaining

Don't speak,
don't speak,
don't speak,
oh I know what you're thinking
And I don't need your reasons
I know you're good,
I know you're good,
I know you're real good
Don't, Don't, uh-huh Hush, hush darlin'
Hush, hush darlin' Hush, hush
don't tell me tell me cause it hurts
Hush, hush darlin' Hush, hush darlin'
Hush, hush don't tell me tell me cause it hurts"

- "Don't Speak", No Doubt

Happy post-CNY!

2008-02-23T04:00:00.007+08:00

The Chinese New Year has just ended. My coffers are now filled and fit again. Hell, this years earning has almost doubled from last years new year red packets. I don't know why. But it makes me a happy man. And a happy man would buy new stuff to toy around with! *insert evil laugh here*

I received my SB-800 speedlight from Penang a week ago and has since been running on cheapsey Energizers:

blah

Non-rechargeable and they cost almost RM10 per pack of four AA sized batteries. Damn. I had to buy a pack for Meng Lee's open house our of desperation. This morning I got my dream batteries - Sanyo Eneloops. *insert evil laugh again* Rechargeable, environmentally friendly (especially for fkers like me who throw batteries everywhere) and ready to use out of the box. 2000mAh worth of happiness for my dear dear speedlight :) Burnt a hole in my pocket too.

pwnage

"Get yourself a damn bag!" screamed my avid photographer friend on the phone. My current bag looks like this:

which vaguely resembles weird old uncle briefs. Pretty much like what Chin wears. It's not that it looks ugly - it's that it practically SCREAMS that I have a damn dSLR in that bag. I don't like that. Malaysia isn't very safe. In fact, at least one unit gets stolen per week here. I needed something that does not look like a camera bag. Something inconspicuous. Then just now at KLCC I found:

*jeng jeng jeng!* a Crumpler! hehe My very own Crumpler four-million dollar home (don't ask me why they name their products like this).

Looks like a normal bag. Has 2 partitions to keep my body plus lens and a speedlight. Now I can walk around peacefully. Plus I don't have to lug them around in separate bags, one of which looks like a pair of briefs with the word NIKON. Dumb shits. Thanks for watching. Tune in again! *insert very very evil laugh here*

And to that babi, if you're reading this - see the above? Familiar huh? It's a screenshot so you can't print it out. Muahaha. Just teasing you! hehe

Light Play

2008-02-21T21:01:00.003+08:00

Light play from last night. Photos are not doctored. Photoshopping just to resize photos and adjust color levels :) Thanks Jon!

Eddy sitting on his chair.

Jon the angel. Not.

30 second shutter speed, aperture f/3.5. Got more but I lazy upload. Hope you liked these. Bye bye.

****
LOOK WHAT I FOUND! hahahaha

my ONLY birthday present for 2008! hahaha No I didn't lose it. I just don't wanna use it. Don't want scratches on it and shit yeah.. But it does make me smile :) Remember I still owe you liquor woahaha!

Psychadelic Photoshop Phantasies

2008-02-20T04:44:00.004+08:00

I couldn't sleep. Just spent the past few hours learning new Photoshop tricks and techniques. Photoshop is such a bitch. So noob unfriendly. Anyways I've gotten around to "repairing" a few photos. My friend told me these photos are "oh-so-typical". And he told me about his friends who shoots great shots yadda yadda yadda, they spend 16 thousand on their cameras, yadda yadda yadda. Tell me what you think. Good night peeps! Oh yeah. The original file would take me 10 years to upload. Whatever here is super low quality. heh

Ah.. The sweet hissing sounds of the firecrackers before all hell broke loose. I wonder if the cops would be reading this?

Great times. Great people. (retouched from previous post - serdang people please get the photos from me you feckers)

I wonder if anyone would know where this came from?

The fish and the gold ingot.

Luck.

Wild grass against the morning breeze.

Spawn wishes you a Happy Chinese New Year!

Uber Funny!

2008-02-19T23:34:00.004+08:00

I found this through Photo Malaysia. Super duper funny as hell it cracked my butthole open. An ad for the Olympus E-500 wide angle lens.

p/s: It's farnier if you know Hokkien (or at least a little Hokkien).

CNY Cheers!

2008-02-18T18:42:00.003+08:00

Last night Meng Lee had his annual CNY open house in Sunway! One more year of joy, celebrations and gambling spree at his house! Good nasi lemak, delectable chicken and mouth-watering sambal coupled with an unlimited serving of alcoholic beverages made one hell of a night.

Jon, Chin, Captain, Me, Meng Lee, Raph, Kai and Pope before the financial massacre of 2008 began.

Super awesome cookies for the boot!

After dinner we fired off the fire crackers at the field behind his house. Must have pissed the whole neighborhood off. Muaha.

Nice hor? I didn't shoot this unfortunately. Photo thanks to shutterbug Shwe.

========================================================

Hello father. I hope upstairs has internet. It has been 5 years now huh? Wonder how time flies. Happy anniversary anyways, dear dad. Yeah I know I've been an ass and all. trying to get a hold of my life. Trying to be a better person. I'd rather post this up here actually, rather than burn you a note. hehe because i KNOW upstairs has internet. How can it not have internet? That could be the only reason I want to make my way to heaven instead of hell (if there is a difference)- for the internet access. Hehe!

Hope life is good up there. Hope got chicks aplenty. Hope God is a nice guy :)

Eat eat eat.. hehe got good food :)

***

Patapon

2008-02-15T19:06:00.003+08:00

I had something very nice for Valentines. Sony Store Online released their upcoming rhythm based game Patapon demo (US release - the Japanese release is already in stores)! I've been looking forward to this game for quite a while now. From the makers of Loco Roco, this should be waaayyy cooler than their last game.

Basically, you control a tribe of one-eyed creatures named Patapons. They go to war, hunt and pillage by your command. You are a God and cannot converse with them directly. Because of this, you hit drum patterns to control them. "pata pata pata pon" means move forward, "pon pon pata pon" means attack and yeah you get the idea. hehe! Watch the video if you're interested.

Sigh what a sad Valentines. Muahaha!

I love the art design. Pastel colors look so nice on the PSP.

Kledang

2008-02-13T19:40:00.002+08:00

Today Sam and I went to Kledang. He wanted to go for a walk because he's been a couch potato for the longest time ever and I just wanted to play with my new toy hehe! Anyways I very malas wanna type. Just wanted to show you people some porn.

Sky was clear today, save for a little bit of haze.

I thought this looked nice. heh...

The staircase before the stream.

I don' know what to type here.

No doubt the picture of the day. Muahahaha!

That's it folks! I'm busy getting all mushy now (fark u bestie) so don't disturb me unless you want me to emo to you!

Randomness

2008-02-12T20:10:00.000+08:00

Crumbs. The dumbest and best ever cat in the world.

When the World Starts Crumbling

2008-02-10T02:39:00.001+08:00

"Merry Christmas, babe", she gently whispered as she extended her arms in front of me.

"Merry Christmas". I stepped slowly in front and let her collapse into my arms in a bitter-sweet embrace.

"Give me a 30 seconder", she said, meaning she wanted a 30 second hug. We both knew this "30 seconds" would last way longer than that. All we both wanted to do was bury ourselves in each others' embrace.

"I wish this would last forever".

"Me too".

Good things come to an end. Some hit you like a fly hitting a windshield. Quashed the moment it happens. Some hit you like a bus hitting a train. Forever traumatizing your mind.

I don't know why am I writing this. Just to reminisce? I have no clue.

***

I'm bored as hell now. Chee Lim and pingz have something up. Em is in KL. Owen is in KL. Mohammed is in Penang. Sunny comes back tomorrow. Mike is tired because he needs to drive back tomorrow. Lucas too. Ah Mon is busy with her family. Sam and machas have no mood to come out.

Sheesh...

I can't wait to get to Penang this Monday. Perhaps a couple of days of pure bliss. I love it there.

Perhaps I need more friends...

*yawn*

Gong Hei Fatt Choy

2008-02-09T15:46:00.000+08:00

Happy Chinese new Year to all! Especially to the people who actually READ the shit on this blog, which is actually quite a huge number - weird). Anyways time to share great news! I am a grand uncle! Muahahaha

Which means I have a cousin who has a daughter who just had a son a month back! It's so weird. My 18 year old NIECE giving me angpow... Uhm, I really didn't know what to do. I found it partially amusing. Maybe 30% seriousness and 70% farnee. But everyone was only showing the farnee part of the situation. Coming to my kampung is like going to this other country which highly condones protection-free pre-marital sex.

Yesh. It was weird. My weirdest ever visit this new year.

I'm gonna go back to munching my keropok.

And count cash.

*evil laugh*

Guess What...

2008-02-05T17:29:00.000+08:00

I found? Muahaha!

I was going through all the old stuff my dad left behind. And to my surprise, I found a 35mm film Ricoh KR-5 manual exposure camera! Hehe. He wrote the purchase date on it - July 1985. Which rings true because I heard my dads obsession with photography started when I was born.

Spent the whole afternoon mucking around with it. It's so awesome. So awesome that I can't get the focus right because got no auto-focus muahaha! I'm too used to technology dee. Time to play around with film.

I ripped this from the manual. Hope it'll give you a sense about how old this metal husk is. Cool huh? Lol But the camera pretty bad shape lah. Have to go repair a little bit. Lens seems really bad with fungus. The lens mirror too. After repairing, this baby should look like new :)

Because...

2008-02-02T06:22:00.000+08:00

I know i have really cool friends. The type I'd like to have forever.

Thanks for making my day (more like night heh)

Because She is Gorgeous

2008-01-31T23:40:00.000+08:00

I love Kaela Kimura. I flicked this video from Jon's blog. And to quote him: "meltz meltz"

Thanks Jon.

And while you watch her you can watch my new baby. Mwahahahaha! Nikkor AF-S 18-135mm. Wait for my 18-200 VR later teehee. When I work la k...

I Can't Sleep!!!

2008-01-23T05:32:00.000+08:00

The clock ticks to 5.32 a.m. I'm not asleep yet and tomorrow I have a "Headless Chicken Run" competition to go through. A grueling 10 hour race by foot around KL for a grand prize of... I'm not really sure what. Maybe Shwe is ripping us off? Heh

I can't sleep. Partially due to the whirring sounds of the fan in my room and the heat emanating from my computer beside my bed. Mostly due to the fact that I've been online since I came home from playing pool looking for a god-damn second hand external off-camera flash. I think I'm getting retarded. I need my SB-800. I need sleep.

Bleh... I'm so so jealous of the young kids who can actually own SB-800s. I don't think I can afford them until I work. RM 1350 for an external flash? *belch* And yeah, Eneloop batteries... *cringe*

Malaysia Reborn

2008-01-22T19:43:00.000+08:00

Yesterday I took a trip down to Ganad Media opposite Lot 10 to obtain billboard designs and blueprints from them for my final year project. It was a memorable trip. Maybe it's because I was alone and had time to observe my surroundings more.

I took the train there. While in the Komuter, I overheard this old lady asking this young man for directions. Obviously she was lost. She needed to go to Sri Petaling but the train was headed to Rawang. The young man was supposed to get to Rawang but he offered to show her the way to Sri Petaling (which means he has to alight at Sentral then take another train back down to Sri Petaling). Bloody sweet huh?

While in the monorail headed towards Bukit Bintang, this couple with a baby stepped in at the Tun Sambanthan stop. And people stood up, offering their places to them.

And when I reached Ganad, the people were just stupidly friendly. They gave me an original copy of a biddboard blueprint and told me I could copy it by hand (WTF stuff like these are worth hundreds of thousands).

On the way back, after I got down the monorail at Sentral, someone hit my leg with a stick. Upon turning behind I saw a blind man who was obviously struggling to walk through the throng of people. This Malay man approached him, grabbed his left arm and signalled me to take the blind man's right arm. And we crossed the road opposite Sentral. Unforgettable.

No. That's not all! I was in the Komuter heading back to Serdang and this dude in front of me had a PSP and was playing it. So I just made conversation. "Main apa?" I asked. And he looked up and replied "Wipeout". I had my PSP at that time too and he asked me if I had the same game. A moment later we were both exchanging laughs as we raced with each other to the Wipeout finishing lines.

And the most impressive one would be this. The Komuter stopped at Salak Selatan. The after hour crowds in a train in terrible and this dude couldn't make it to the exit in time. He was still stuck in the main carriage as the doors were closing. This dude beside the door saw that the other man was missing his exit and stepped in between the door. Okay fine. It's dumb but he got clipped in between the door and the train. He shouted and waved at the workers to get the door opened. All this for a man he does not even know.

I felt warm and fuzzy after the train ride. It was a good day indeed. Thanks to Ganad and Malaysians for making my day. Malaysia sucks. Yes. But Malaysians ROCK.

Yeargh! Gatal! Gatal!

2008-01-20T07:11:00.000+08:00

WAH BEH TONG LIAO!

I'm trying to garu my camera itch away but it's not working! Wargh! Die lah! Everyday dream of d80. Everyday look at d80. Everyday also scheming how to make that amount of money. Everyday hoping I kena 4D or someone would donate a d80 to the poor sod that is me... haih...

Beh tong liao...

I go pang sai first. Will post more dumb shit later. Bai bai!

I Feel Happy!

2008-01-17T22:48:00.001+08:00

Sometimes, I fucking hate the human race. I really do.

Sometimes I think we're nothing but mammals with better brains than others. That we are no different. And that we created the imagery of "God", demonized it, and stuck it proudly like a badge on our facade of lies.

God says forgive, forget, yadda yadda yadda (insert a thousand good values). How many of us practice it? I'm not preaching. I'm just saying it's fucking impossible NOT to commit something God perceives as "bad".

I am rather proud to say that I can be quite patient most of the time. But when people start taking advantage of that fact (like not fucking waking up on time although I'm fucking driving you to fucking school) it gets rather irritating. But I shrug it aside. And the problems persist and drives me towards insanity.

"God is testing you". Yeah sure. It that the ONLY excuse people can come up with nowadays? Come on now! Don't treat me like a fucking four year old. I'm not doubting God. I'm doubting the human race. How we shape God into some form of existence that would endorse anything at all as long as it is for the good of the religion. Suicide bombers. Inquisitors. Crazy-ass preachy people who my mum hates to the end of the world.

Stop blaming God, you fuckholes. Everybody and anybody can have a relationship with Him. And it would be a personal one. Don't diss someone just because the poor sod didn't turn up for church. Don't ban bibles just because they use the world "allah" inside. Don't do fucked up things in the name of God.

And most of all. Don't EVER FUCKING TELL ME that whatever problem in front of me is a fucking test from God. I know better, moron.

And to the people who made my life miserable today: A very big FUCK YOU is at hand. *applause*

ps - next time ASK me before taking my stuff from my fucking room.
pps - next time LIFT UP the toilet seat after you use it.
ppps - next time at least HELP ME fucking wash the fucking bathroom.

Fucking twat.

I Need Cash

2008-01-16T17:44:00.000+08:00

"Photography is an art of observation. It's about finding something interesting in an ordinary place. It has little to do with the things you see and everything to do with the way you see them."

I got this quote from a friends' blog. Not sure where she got it from though.

Anyways, since I was gatal a few weeks back, I shall post what I want to get this year har har.

First off, I would like to have a nice little Nikon D80 like this baby over here.

I can't find a better picture so yeah. 4 lens servo configurations, variable mountable lens, 30-1/4000 shutter speeds. God this is the ambrosia for cameras that I can actually afford (hardly, though).

Shove a single-servo 105-400mm adjustable lens on this baby and she'll go screaming with lustful agony. Oh! And a nice external flash to boot too! teehehehe
Then I'll get myself some models to pose stupid poses and get some vouge-ish shots. Those portraits you think of when you hear Nouvelle Vague chiming in the background.

Asking price? Around 700 USD without the lens. *sigh* I need a rich girlfriend.

...

2008-01-14T19:24:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, the angels from above swept down, beautiful halos glowing in tandem, and gently lifted a soul up to the heathens above. The soul belonged to a great man. A man who loved his children wholeheartedly. A man who has accomplished a lot in life. A man who was struck down at the prime of his life.

My condolences dear friend. I would have called. But no words can express how sad I am for you because I know how it feels.

"You weep. And the angels wept."

SBF 08 Updates

2008-01-12T15:50:00.001+08:00

It's only 3 more hours till the Serdang Beer Festival kicks off! Everything is ready. The speakers are already blaring the familiar beats of techno and trance.

Resident deejay DJ Raph gearing up for tonights party.

Posters line the walls of Club Serdang.

It's going to look half like a death metal meet.

The tent has been set up!

240 cans of beer. Plenty of mixers. 2 bottles of Vasparov. Plenty of wine to boot. Sounds like alcoholic death. Nice.

The hall is clean!

The ice cubes are ready!

Here's Skully. He wants to remind you what will happen of you in the event that you drink too much. And perhaps he wants to warn you about the happy little thing we have in the next photo:

Yes. Mother fuckin' Jagermeister. Prepare to die a happy death.

Pre-party starts at 5 pm with Jager Bomb shots for everybody. There is plenty of Jager to get you fucked before the party starts. Lots of chicks. Lots of kinky games.

Post party starts as soon as the sun rises. See you there!

p/s: I'll post the photos tomorrow IF and only IF I am sober enough to wake up. Toodles people. And wish me luck.

You May Tire Of Me

2008-01-11T04:02:00.000+08:00

It's another of those unexplained bouts of melancholy. No idea how it started. Maybe its the culmination of the many things that have or have not happened. Yesh, the human mind is a fickle playground of sorts.

I need a beach now. And an unending sea blowing its salty breeze unto my face, combing my hair back with invisible hands. Without anyone around me.

It could be the loneliness creeping up to me from behind a dark veil, trying to turn the enjoyment of my bachelorhood into nothing but self-denial. Is it? I hope it isn't. I do enjoy it a lot now. Especially now. But of course, there's that dab of disappointment and self-loathe.

Or is it that I expect too much from friends? Expectations that far exceed the reality of human nature. I do find myself choosing my words more carefully now, except in front a few close friends. Hypocritical? Yeah maybe. But which human isn't hypocritical to a certain degree. And compared to others I think I'm not extremely hypocritical.

Perhaps it's the after effect of re-reading all your e-mails, sms-es and cards you have secretly stashed away for the whole duration of your varsity life. It makes you ponderous. Like how some people really cared at one time but they don't now.

Lastly, it could be the Prosperity Burger I just had from McDonalds. It's the shit they put into the sauce.

Words cannot explain how I feel. It's not bad. But it isn't good either.

I bet anyone reading this would go like: "There he goes with his oh-so-cryptic posts again".

"You may tire of me, as our December sun is setting
Cause I'm not who I used to be..."

Serdang Beer Festival 2008

2008-01-07T20:28:00.000+08:00

Alcoholics Anonymous

proudly presents

the
Serdang Beer Festival 2008

Take a chill pill. Gather the masses. Its time for the one-off Serdang Beer Festival 2008! Join us together with dozens of others as we party till the sun rises and reminisce about the past 4 and a half years we have been studying in this god-forsaken university.

And of course, there will be tons of games, prizes, tee shits and door gifts all custom made for you! Outsiders are more then welcome with prior notice.

The Serdang Beer Festival 2008
12th of January 2008
5pm onwards
3, Jalan Desa Serdang 13, 43300 Serdang.
RM 50 one-off fee

Provided

Dinner
Snacks
6 cans of beer
Liquor to your liking
Games
Police coverage
Fuckloads of music
Door gifts
Chicks

Party till the sun rises. And oh, make sure you're sober before driving home.

Adios!

dark lonely nights are really bad for sick little girls

2007-12-23T00:03:00.000+08:00

you've practically disappeared off the face of the earth... and yet i miss you.. i barely even know you... and yet i miss you.. i don't know when i'll even get to talk to you again, much less see you... and yet i miss you!! what is wrong with me??! *slaps self* must be the meds..really...

Pop Culture

2007-12-22T06:50:00.000+08:00

I just met two girls from UK (not the Ulu Kinta one.. the real UK) - Hastings to be exact. They were staying over in Malaysia for about 2 months on a holiday (involving staying in a friends' house in Ipoh and baking Eucharist wafers everyday for church - not very exciting really).

"From the UK?", I asked. "Yeah"

"Fish, chips, Cup of tea, Mary-fuckin'-Poppins? London?"

"Fuck, you watched Snatch!", they burst into laughter.

It's really weird how people can come from so far away and still have the same-ish stereotypical and pop-culture knowledge and understanding. Maybe it's just that I'm just more exposed to this kind of shit. Thank God for the internet and the pirated DVD sellers who toil to bring us entertainment that our super-conservative government bans.

We talked about Pulp Fiction, Dogma, Snatch and a whole crapola of movies and sings that are cult classics today. They like exactly what we like (or what I like, at least). I heard about their HUGE fish and chips servings. Bad weather. Clubs. And how everyone is big on coke there. Now I so want to go to the UK. Not for the coke - but for the stuff I heard about it - the nice parks, small irish cafes by a quiet street, their dingy jazz bars.

We taught them a plethora of cuss words we use in Malaysia. I was quite shocked when I found out that them British don't really swear extremely. They cuss phrases like "fuckin scrotum head" and some Irish colloquial that I forgot the instant they taught me. Pretty basic stuff. When my friend taught them "tiu nia ma, ham kar chan" and told them the meanings, they flipped. Teehee! Yeah Malaysians and cuss words - they go hand in hand.

Two things were playing in my head when I reached home. I'll just list them out:

Why the fuck do Malaysians put on Brit accents when conversing with a person who naturally has a Brit accent?
The moment we see an ang-moh is the moment a Malaysian loses his/her ability to continue talking in Manglish, no matter how bad his/her level of English is. I wear my Manglish proudly man. I would say about 90% of the people I know would put of a weird twang when speaking to an ang-moh. Worse still are the people who leave Malaysia for 6 months and returning with a Brit accent. Grow up.
If I continue using some weird Brit slang with my children, will they pick it up or will they end up having some half watered shit-ass slang?
Okay. The British slang is really awesome. Given the choice of what slang should I be born with, I'd choose to be born with a slight British twang. I'm not contradicting my first point. the first point stresses on Manglish more. I need to marry an ang-moh woman so I can get nice kids who speak in nice slangs and twangs. Hehe!

Thank you for enduring my crappy post. It's 7.15 in the morning and I've not slept yet... *yawn*

The Black Sheep Gang

2007-12-17T01:26:00.000+08:00

People tremble in fear as though they are the harbingers of destruction themselves. Commoners avoid them like the plague and fear for their lives upon seeing them. Lo and behold - for the Black Sheep Gang shall be kicking asses this 17th of December 2007.

The Black Sheep Gang (almost known as the Yellow Duck Gang) do not only roam Petaling Street. They OWN it. Led by the rage driven Chad, they consist of 7 members who have not only very low intellectual prowess, but also an outstanding amount of downright retardation. Watch them as they wreck havoc on the stage this coming Christmas Play. Only in UNITEN.

The Black Sheep Gang. Kicking asses since November 2007.

Che wah.. sorry la i just feel syok sendiri tonight.. heh

Zoukout @ Sentosa Island

2007-12-12T23:08:00.000+08:00

Saturday, the eighth day of December 2007 - a day of non-stop partying from dusk till damn (literally). Five of us - namely Jon, Vishnu, Andrew, Guju and I left for Singapore for the annual Zoukout. This year's Zoukout would be the last Zoukout event to take place at Siloso Beach because of the god-damn casino they're working on there now.

I'm just too free now so I decided to post a photo log of what went on before and after the 12 hour party.

I've never been to Johore before, what more Singapore? YES. I am THAT jakun okay? The train reached the Johore station at roughly 8.15 in the morning. Brushed our teeth, had our morning fags and we were ready to rumble off to Singapore.

Reached Woodlands where the immigration checkpoint is. Suddenly you can actually smell, see and feel the difference between a first world country and a third world country. Before we stopped at Woodlands a few Malay dudes actually stood at the door of the train shouting "Lompat! Lompat! (Jump! Jump!) before jumping off the train before it arrives at the immigration. Way to go Malaysia. No wonder Singaporeans look at us like pariah kampung people who still hunt for rabbits with blowpipes.

Having the last puff before we step out foot on the "fine" city of Singapore. Technically if the train was in Singapore, the train still counts as Malaysian property right?

First stop - Little India! Oh I loved the myriad of things on sale and the smell of spices whiffing through the humid air. That place is so India besides the fact that its so damn fucking clean. I actually have to walk with my cigarette butt to the nearest trash can to dispose of it.

Had our lunch at some indian shop there in Little India while looking for a backpackers inn. Not easy to find rooms since we didn't book and they had Zoukout going on that night itself. And Singapore does not have roti kosong or whatever form of roti. They have roti parata. PA. RA. TA. ONLY. Weird. Or maybe its very authentically India. They even serve tea in half cups like they do in India.

Zoomed down to Orchard Street where I met Carol and Susan. MRTs and escalators are fucking fast. Hell, the people there walk so fast you'd be wondering what are they in a hurry for. There is at least a thousand people walking the pathway in front of Takashimaya. That's when I realized there are NO fat people in Singapore. hmmm.... too bad our LRT sucks balls.

Singapore chicks = hot. Har har. I *heart* Singapore. How superficial. But then, I am superficial.

Took the tram from Harbor Front to Sentosa Island. Getting real hyped up for the party!

Security was really tight. They screen your belongings, frisk you and check your ID. I had 2 cans of 500ml Tigers before I went in to get myself in a "happy" mood. In typical Malaysian style, I didn't want to pay for the ridiculously priced beverages in the beach. We entered at 8pm sharp. As of this moment, we have all gone for almost 20 hours without sleep. Cannot sleep in the train because it sucks balls.

Pre-party: Gooch, Andrew, Vishnu, me and Jon. Psyched! Psyched! Oorah! Hehe

Steve Aoki performing. Imagine Kitaro on ecstacy. Yeah baby. Awesome shit. Mixed Rocker by Alter Ego too. They had many other really cool DJs spanning 4 separate stages. Carl Cox. LCD Soundsystem. Booka Shade. And not to mention the God of them all - Armin van Buuren.

The two Zoukout angels dancing their hearts out under the dark Singapore sky.

The finale - Armin van Buuren. Crowd numbers reached a maximum sometime around 5am when van Buuren spinned. Really, really awesome shit. This was about the same time when you cannot walk around the beach because it was dotted with cups, ice cubes, water, liquor, puke, drunk men, drunk women and a lot more puke.

Post party - I was fucked. I so wanted to chop my legs off and feed them to the fishes off Singapore. It was about 6.30 am when we left. We couldn't stand it anymore. Almost 30 hours without sleep. With a long an arduous trip ahead of us back to Malaysia.

I took this photo to remind me how much it sucks back here in Malaysia. The stench. The noise. The uncivilized denizens of a country that prides itself on nothingness. Wah.. zen.. zen.. This was the last photo I took at 3.00pm Sunday. After this I closed my eyes and the next thing I knew was that Gooch was waking me up because we were back in Serdang. Heh.

Anyways this isn't my video but at least it would give you a good idea on how cool was Zoukout.

Cheers people! Party hard!

*****

Survival Kit

2007-12-07T15:59:00.000+08:00

Zoukout starts in about 28 hours from now! Everyone's psyched up and ready to go (not sure how everyone will be 40 hours from now though..) Here's my survival kit for the wildest partay in South East Asia:

1. Tickets
Train tickets + Zoukout ticks. No idea how to get back to Malaysia yet.

2. Tissue Paper - don't ask me why
And no, we do not have girls tagging along so we won't have a continuous supply of tissue paper.

3. Mouthwash - because we won't be staying over. Just be partying till sunrise and then head back to Malaysia.

4. Toothbrush
Because you don't breath that "stoinks"

5. Clothes/Underwear/Towel/What-nots
Beach wear is the dress code for the day. Extra pants for the sweat, alcohol and smoke that will get into your clothes. Thanks Jill for that nifty tip about sprinkling water into my hair!

6. Mosquito repellent
Duh.

7. Cash. Shopping list.

8. Myself.

Goodbye people. See you on Sunday night! After this would be Christmas night baby! Then new years! Oorah! Pictures will be uploaded around Monday.

Smack my bitch up. Period.

Pagi Yang Gelap

2007-12-05T03:45:00.000+08:00

Karna aku suka akan lagu ini...

Hujan - Pagi Yang Gelap

***

Thanks for the Buttsecks

2007-11-26T00:51:00.000+08:00

It's the second time in little more than 2 weeks that Malaysians have fired tear gas on Malaysians. The Hindraf rally this morning was a futile attempt to fight for basic human rights, thanks to the prompt actions taken by the government to quell this peaceful demonstration. Read: peaceful. I sat down in my sofa in awe as I watched the FRU fire tear gas into the crows of people who were just standing there. Chemical laced water cannons made short work of the protesters. Police blockades made sure no one could enter Jalan Ampang from 8 am onwards. The Al-Jazeera reporter was running away from the blast of the water cannons and you could see the fear in his eyes.

I'm going to quote nat from Jelas.info :

"I was near the front, and inexperienced with tear gas, so it caught me a little unawares.

Oh by God it hurt.

I thought I was going to suffocate."

I feel sorry for these guys, really. They see peaceful protesters and their faggot balls can shrink so much they choke on them. Apparently police yelled "expletives" at the people and plainclothes policemen were roughing up protesters in Batu Caves. I wonder who needed a dose of tear gas more?

On the other hand, Penang is being laid to waste by the mega-project of epic fucked up-ness - the one and only PGCC (Penang Global City Centre). This project involves the construction of 40 residential towers and shopping complexes. Imagine KLCC in Penang. WTF right? There are so many discrepancies between the official statements (such as lot size, density, cost, etc) compared to what the official blueprints are. It would literally be the end of the Penang we know today. And when the second bridge goes up, I shudder to think what would happen to the island that I love.

Meanwhile, our ministers are busy fighting like school kids and blaming each other for things only 5 year olds can come up with. And when you feel pissed off you can always pull out statements like: "Mau lawan kah?" and "MP Batu Gajah tiap tiap bulan pun bocor" in parliament. Yay! Democracy is cool!

Thank you, Malaysia for bringing me up in a really nice and quiet environment that is Ipoh. I grew up without knowing about racial disparities. I never questioned why the non-Muslims never had the need to take Pendidikan Moral. I never knew what is the difference between races - I grew up thinking I am Malaysian. It all changes when we have inept people running the government. Sometimes, I feel the government treats the people like retards. Where is the transparency? Where is the democracy?

Thanks for the buttsecks Malaysia.

***

"Our government is doing a superb job. Did you know we are one of the most democratic countries in the world? Our leaders are doing a good job!"

"Who told you that?"

"Oh that day some MCA guy came to UTAR to give a speech and he said that"

- Quote(s) of the century by none other than my disillusioned friend.

Dreams

2007-11-23T02:34:00.000+08:00

I fell in love with this song. Period.

"Stars shining bright above you
Night breezes seem to whisper "I love you"
Birds singing in the sycamore tree
Dream a little dream of me

Say "Night-ie night" and kiss me
Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me
While I'm alone and blue as can be
Dream a little dream of me

Stars fading but I linger on, dear
Still craving your kiss
I'm longing to linger till dawn, dear
Just saying this

Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you
Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you
But in your dreams whatever they be
Dream a little dream of me"

-Mama Cass - Dream a Little Dream of Me

Stars fading but I linger on, dear...

Freedom is bliss

2007-11-17T00:56:00.000+08:00

Now that I am free from exams.. does anyone have the book Northern Lights, by Philip Pullman? Preferably an e-book (or if someone can dl it for me? *blinkety blink blink*) hehee.. The reason I'm asking is because it is the story behind this!

And I would like to read the book before I watch the movie, before it gets 'tainted' by the movie.. you know, like how now every time I read harry potter, I see Emma Watson instead of some frizzled hair, bucky toothed girl... damn...

Eff Bee

2007-11-15T02:37:00.000+08:00

A few years back I read about how American kids are succumbing to a deadly internet disease that will suck whatever that's left of their social lives dry. It was called Facebook.

A couple of months back one of my friends had something about not being able to withstand the "addiction" (can't remember exact words) written in her MSN nick. So I asked her, addicted to what? Facebook, she told me.

One and a half months back I went to my cousin's house warming party. There was a conversation topic so engaging everyone was oblivious to the overcooked pieces of meat that lay in the fire. It was about something called Facebook.

A month back, my dear friend asked me to log into some online account so she bid for something because she won't be free. It was a Facebook thing.

A few days after that I found out that my group of Serdang friends were addicted to a new form of herb. Nope it wasn't a new species of marijuana. It was - Facebook.

Last night I saw more Facebook on my friend's laptop.

Tonight I saw my friend playing poker on Facebook.

What. The. Fuck. Is. So. Nice. About. Facebook?!

I sit here looking at the front page, contemplating my next move. To FB or not to FB.

Hello there! Welcome to Facebook! The land of blatant flirting, internet secks, vampires, pirates, vampire killers, pirate killers, human pets, poker, blackjack and a million other fucking things you wouldn't even fucking comprehend!

It'll be so funny if I do get an account. Still considering though...

Suck It

2007-11-14T01:10:00.000+08:00

Only pussies fire chemical laced water cannons at peaceful protesters. Only pussies do not let rallies be held although the masses want it. Only pussies label peaceful demonstrations as a full fledged riot threatening the peace of a nation.

Government claims "less than 30 thousand people". Bersih claims there were 40 thousand. Eye witnesses swear by almost a hundred thousand people.

Suck it. The people rule the day.

Thanks to popiaH for the link

Subtle Beauty of Death

2007-10-29T00:50:00.000+08:00

Death - the very word brings shivers down our spines. A word that brings about a whole feeling of taboo to the normal person. A word with such a simple meaning but one that cuts deep into our psyche and threatens to shake the very foundations of our beliefs.

Virtually the whole history of the human race was carved with the bones and flesh of death. Death itself brought forth some of the oldest and strongest religions and beliefs because people wanted not to belief that death would mean the end of our individualistic existence. We wanted not to belief that we would be forgotten in the suffocating sands of time and that the generations after us would live their lives without knowing who we were and what we did. And so it was that humans took the easy way out - to belief in some sort of existence after death, whether in the form of a celestial being, an animal or a lingering soul in the bowels of hell.

Death was never depicted as anything other than of a macabre form, with an imposing scythe and a skull, threatening to rob a life, fulfilled or not. Never was there a beautiful part of it. Perhaps if we looked at death as a whole, there could be that hint of gentle beauty behind the beleaguering facade of doom.

It brings people together. It makes you appreciate what a person has done. And at the end of the day, we write our own mental books in our minds; a chronography of what had transpired when that person was still alive. The black and white memories and the forgotten dreams and promises give a whole new meaning to appreciating life as it is. Maybe, only maybe, death's beauty shines in ways we cannot perceive, shut out behind the veil of horror we choose to look at first.

***

Sixteen years ago I stood alone crying because you left for church and I couldn't come along. One year ago I stood alone crying because you left for Heaven. Today I sit down alone reminiscing what we've been through for 21 years.

You were my idol in life - I strive to become what you were and what you wanted to be. At times you were closer to me than my father. And it might surprise you that I still remember the trips to the park and fairs with Foong Lian. I still recall the trip to Malacca and how you took the train because I wanted to. And how we took the KTM from one end of KL to the other end of KL because I wanted to. And how you rented a taxi from Malacca to KL to get to the Aerospace exhibition because I wanted to. And how you took me to the cinema and slept inside through a childish movie because I wanted to watch it. I guess I was the most pampered god-son in the whole wide world. Even my brother's god-parents don't come close to how you treated me.

Alas, all good things come to an end, don't they? The weekly walks around the housing area, the monthly jigsaw puzzles you helped me with and the yearly birthday pressies and wishes somehow or rather had to end. It ended when you left this world for a better one. I'm sure many people miss you. I miss you.

Teddy Edward Lopez - the bestest god-father in the world. So good there was no comparison.

From me, the luckiest god-son in the world.

***

Totally Random Things I Just Wanted Y'All to Know

2007-10-23T00:56:00.000+08:00

International Day of Prayers for Peace was 2 days ago... but it's never too late to wish for peace for people around the world. Who knows, if enough people know about it and take the initiative to at least spare a thought for these people, we might actually achieve peace ala tinkerbell style.

I'm broke and I'm still spending money like water. Would anyone like to donate some $$ to my fund to make me a happy girl? *puppy dog eyes*

Someone just said I looked like a kinky person... o.O I do?

I started on Grey's Anatomy and now am unable to stop. Shit.

Friends from Ipoh are never back when I'm back... Why are you guys avoiding me? Why?! Why?! Why?!

My Penang apartment has a black hole. I have so far lost a pencil, a piece of underwear and an umbrella. My pail seems to be missing too, but i heard that my friend borrowed it to another apartment. Hmm...

Drinking coffee at 3am will keep you up till 8am. And it is possible to catch a 7.45am bus although you woke up at 7.15am and still took a bath and packed.

Facebook is evil.

Wo Yao Shui Jiao

2007-10-19T18:07:00.000+08:00

My eyes sear with the heat from a thousand suns. My throat is parched although I do not thirst. I can feel the tremors under my skin from the misfiring impulses that rage on, meandering through my nerves.

3 days have passed. 5 hours of proper sleep. 97 pages worth of my project report. A thousand stubbles beneath my chin. It's all over.

I stare blankly at the glowing form in front of me that is my monitor as words slowly trickle into them like ashes falling from the sky. I so need sleep. At the rate I'm going I have officially traversed the whole world and visited every timezone available, with or without daylight saving. But first I just wanted to write something here, which of course I have no idea what.

When I plopped the huge stack of printed material unto the decrepit wooden table of the binding shop, I felt this tremendous sense of relief. Three months of work accumulated into one big stack of nonsensical techno-babble. I swear I won't be typing the words "von Mises" and "Factor of Safety" for a very long time. I'd rather commit suicide.

Guess I'll just sleep now. This is weird. It's my most nonsensical post in a long time. Anyways I love the mou liu photos you put there Jill :D Too bad the KL trip didn't work out. If I had no projects left to do I'd already be on my way to Penang, sleep or no sleep. Hehe!

I know this song is damn old but I'm loving it now. I also don't know why. Better not ask me now. I'm not sane enough.

Kelly Chen - Ji Shi Ben
The Diary
-----------------------------------------------
"fan kai sui shen xie dai de ji shi ben
Flip open the diary I bring everywhere along with me

xie zhe xu duo shi dou shi guan yu ni
The things I've written down are mostly about you

ni tao yan be leng luo
You hate being treated coldly

xi guan bei shou hou
I'm getting used to waiting

ji mo cai zhao wo
When you're lonely, it is then only that you'll find me

wo kan jian zi ji xie xia de xin qing
I look at the things I've written down myself

ba zi ji fan zai bei wei de hou tou
Put myself behind

deng ni deng hao jiu
Waited for you for too long

xiang ni lei hui liu
Tears fall when thinking of you

er xin fu kuai le shi shen me
But what is happiness?

ai de tong le
After love, comes pain

tong de ku le
After pain, comes crying

ku de lei le
After crying, comes exhaustion

ri ji ben li ye ye zhi zhuo
Every page in the diary

ji zai zhe ni de hao
Records everything good about you

xiang shang yin de du yao
Like being addicted to poison

ta fan fu pian zhe wo
It repeatedly deceives me

ai de tong le
After love,comes pain

tong de ku le
After pain, comes crying

ku de lei le
After crying, comes exhaustion

mao dun xin li zong shi qiang qiu
The contradiction of the heart is always demanding

quan zi ji yao fang shou
Urging myself to let go

bi shang yan rang ni zou
Close my eyes and let you go

shao diao ri ji chong xin lai guo
Start a new life after burning the diary"

We Live Life Once

2007-10-17T05:39:00.000+08:00

We live life only once. Provided the Buddhists are wrong and you do not get reborn until you reach enlightenment. That's what I like about it. Only once. And not more than that.

I like it this way because I know what I feel, hear, see, touch, taste and perceive would only last this lifetime. And that is why I appreciate these things. I have recently resigned to the fact that I cannot taste every food in the world. Nor can I watch every sunset from every peak in the world. But the matter is doing what you CAN do instead.

See.
When was the last time you lied down in an open field, just watching the rainclouds form into the shapes our mind want them to? Did you see the birds gliding by, their feathers fleeting in the gentle monsoon breeze? Most probably we just thought that we'll look stupid lying down in an open field. Leave your computer. Go outside your house. Look at the vivid leaves painted on the tree opposite your house. It only happens during this lifetime.

Listen.
When was, then, the last time you took time out, closed your eyes and listened to the hustle-bustle of a city alive? The murmur of the torrents of people leaving the LRT; the sounds of the diesel motor powering the lights of a night market stall; the shouts of people bargaining and the clattering of plates from the nearby mamak. Or did you think that it's just loud and noisy and irritating? Leave your computer. Take the train. Close your eyes and listen. It only happens during this lifetime.

Taste.
Do you remember the last time you bought good coffee (not Starbucks and Coffee Bean mind you) or proper "proper" food, sat down and slowly savoured it? Did you taste the soft texture and the minute delectable slices piquing the interest of your tendrils? Do you, until this day, know what real coffee taste like? Did you know 3-in-1 coffee comes from Vietnamese coffee beans because they're the cheapest and they really, really suck. Or do you think that these things are a waste of money and time? Leave your computer. Get yourself a coffee maker. Taste new foods. It only happens during this lifetime.

Feel.
Now tell me, if you're still reading, that is; when was the last time you paid attention to the beauty of languages and words? Words are more than forms of communication. They exude emotions and feelings and paint pictures into our minds. By the time you have read this passage until this sentence, you would have already pictured the beauty of an open field, a bustling city life and the joy of delectable delights. Have you read a book and cried, felt rage and remorse? (remorse being the most common because Malaysians regret buying the books itself) Have you ever thought of learning other languages because they're beautiful and not because they're cool? Or do you think that languages are just a part and parcel of life and whatever it conveys is none of your business? Leave your computer. Learn a new language. It doesn't need to be vocal. Sign language is a beauty by itself. Discover another dimension of beauty. It only happens during this lifetime.

As long as I have full bipedal and ambidextrous capabilities. As long as all my senses are working I shall not stop enjoying this life. I want to write a book. I want to act in a proper play or a movie. I want to have a newspaper column. The simple things in life are often the best things in life - feel that surface that your ass is sitting down on? I bet you didn't pay attention to that before you read this. And the smooth contours of your mouse, and that hint of dead skin stuck to its button? I bet you didn't feel that too. What about the gentle breeze coming from above you? The fan garners no respect either.

Ladies and gentlemen. Treat your senses to a plethora of beauty in so many forms you will rethink of living life many more times. Too bad life is not like that. It only happens during this lifetime.

Enjoy the soft mattress and cozy fan/air-conditioner/morning breeze. Goodnight peeps :)

Did you know a pasar malam looks like this from above?

A simple latte. Beautiful.

Moulard foie gras - how many of us would actually taste it?

Yes, I Refuse to be Pragmatic... So Sue Me!

2007-10-16T05:54:00.000+08:00

i don't think i'm being childish by clinging to my ideals for a relationship. why is wanting this and that so illogical? why do i always hear people saying that we should lower our expectations.. 'no wonder you're single if you keep demanding for all these things... '

i don't see the point in settling, in trying to swallow what you really want and 'giving someone a chance'... i think if you have it, you do.. if you don't, what's the point.. only to find out later you have no more reasons to give that someone a chance anymore? or that you can't handle your expectations not being met?

i believe that if you expect it to happen to you, chances are it will? i don't ever want to 'try' again.. don't want to give up my ideals... why should i when i can have my cake and eat it too...

it's a sad thing when we 'grow up' and become disillusioned...

I Might not be 22 Years Old Afterall...

2007-10-13T04:57:00.000+08:00

Sorry I hadn't been posting. Was trying to take over the world. Which was and is not a very easy task. I'm having problems convincing people that the world should belong to me. Anyways, I wrote the below ad-hoc. Had a real fun day today and when I have fun days I write about them in my blog. Muahahahahahahaha.

Beware Kuala Lumpur, for an ancient evil once rises again! After a long hiatus, my Cunning Cullinary Agent partner and I have struck again, right in the heart of this unforgiving metropolis. Hearts skip a beat, senses tingle and tastebuds start firing a million synapses as we both sink our teeth into highly delectable and sinful chow. *sorry for ruining your diet*

We struck at Deutsches Haus today. A small cozy place serving near "authentic" German food. Which inadvertently means that there was a significant amount of sausage, sauerkraut and pork. We ordered a Honey Pepper Glazed Pork Knuckle (which is the size of your goddamn thigh) and a Sausage Platter (which came with a gazillion different sausages to savour). And for starters we has a selection of cheese and ham to boot. A word of warning: When Asians eat German food, we can actually consume their starters alone and be filled to the brim.

So yeah. We finished only like half of it. Washed it down with a pint of Paulaner each, one dark and one light malt. Awesome shit really. I wish I had photos but we just didn't care. The food was fucking awesome.

We we're supposed to go to the Eye on Malaysia after that but they closed for Raya. Not funny. I was looking forward to that. Oh well..

And so it was that we ended up with the thump-thumping of house music in Maison. It may be quite empty (Friday mah tiu) but company was great. To Shwe, Mel, Lynn, Ping and Kit - thanks for making me feel all nineteen all over again. You retards rocked! 4 girls finished up a bottle of Dewars faster than you can say OMGWTFBBQ. I swear. The bottle was opened. Packs were poured. Packs empties into their alcohol-thirsty tummies. Repeat. Rinse. Bottle was empty.

Hence my very early post. I have once again succumbed to the power of the nocturnal mingluen. And I shall once again spend my night trying to take over the world.

***

To my Malay buddies - have a very happy and blessed Hari Raya Aidilfitri. May your pahala be multiplied the coming year and may you and your families have a safe trip back to your kampungs! Mwah to everyone!

Coretan Minda

2007-09-25T19:17:00.000+08:00

Mukadimah, hujan emas di negara orang, hujan batu di negara sendiri - negara sendiri lebih baik. Bak kata pepatah Melayu yang menekankan bahawa bertapa baiknya negara orang lain dilihat mata kita, tanah air kitalah yang tetap di dalam hati kita. Sudah 50 tahun negara ini mengecapi kemerdekaan. Kemerdekaan yang hanya diperolehi hasil ketabahan emosi, linagan air mata dan darah bapa-bapa kemerdekaan tanah air kita. Dimana-mana sahaja terdapat iklan demi iklan tentang kebaikan negara ini dari segi ekonomi, politik dan khususnya, perpaduan di antara kesemua kaum yang datangnya dari "melentur pucuk buluh dari rebungnya".

Akan tetapi, adakah majoriti daripada kita merasai perpaduan ini? Ataupun ini hanya gara-gara motivasi sayap kiri kerajaan kita?

Setelah sekian lama mendengar and membaca cerita dan desas desus tentang kelemahan sistem demokrasi negara ini, aku terfikir - adakah aku boleh mendapat kehidupan yang lebih sempurna di negara yang lain? Khususnya negara-negara dunia pertama, dimana adanya tahap sivil yang tinggi. Hal ini bukan sahaja berkenaan dengan tahap gaji pendapatan dan kedudukan moral golongan penduduk di sesebuah negara, tapi juga keupayaan mendapatkan hak kemanusiaan and politik.

Setelah 4 tahun belajar di dunia universiti tempatan, aku berdiri di ambang kehidupan bekerja dan dominasi dunia hehe. 4 tahun yang telah ku lalui selama ini telah membantu membentuk minda yang menyondong ke arah perubahan politik negara ini. Soalannya adalah sama sejak bertahun-tahun yang lalu - adakah kita mampu mengubah negara ini pada masa depan dengan adanya ansur globalisasi dan asimilisasi kaum minoriti? Atau adakah kita akan hanya duduk di atas pagar dan tidak mempedulikan hal-hal itu walaupun hati kita dilukai perasaan sesal kerana kita tidak dapat mendatangkan perubahan?

***

This has nothing to do with the above. Just a short pantun for my dear friend who did not show up for the sahur plan this morning. Asshole.

Balaslah pantun ku Qdin. Biarlah aku merodok tekakmu dan merogol telingamu dengan frasa-frasa yang datang dari hatiku yang dilukai. Sekurang-kurangnya pantun ini akan merangsangkan mindamu yang penuh dengan pengaruh anime porno Bible Black. Aku ni kawan baik kan?

"Pada mulanya ku ingat Qdin ni luhur
Katanya pagi ni nak pergi sahur
Pagi-pagi makan McD memang hebat
Tapi nampaknya Qdin ni Melayu murtad

Dah lama ku tak bangun pukul 4 pagi
Biasanya tanpa tidur aku boleh mati
Yang bangun pagi ni hanya Cina babi
Yang Melayu tu entah mane dia pergi

Pagi ni tak sahur jadi tak puasa
Macam mana nak dapat pahala?"

Hehe! No offence Qdin. I mmg cinta u (not in a bohjan way la - jgn perasan beb)

Anyways take care people. This has been the most entertaining and non sensical post in a long time. Hope the govt doesn't do anything to me.. But it's nothing really. Just a little rabid writing from me. How I wish I'm the emperor of the world... Oh well, I'll just have to achieve that myself huh? hehe Love you peeps out there..

The Masquerade

2007-09-24T12:28:00.000+08:00

My dear friend(s).

Stop the masquerade. Lift up the thick veil of lies that cover the individualistic, God-fearing, innocent you. Let me gaze upon the person I want to know - the person in you. Let me witness the turbulent storms that rage in the secret corner, tucked away neatly in that one unreachable synapse. Let me share the melancholy with you as your tears trickle into unfathomable depths.

When was the last time you have unveiled that untruthful mask with all vigor and still stood tall with enough virility to admit that at the end of the day each and every single on of us are hypocritical twats?

Perhaps it's the simple equation of human nature. Someone once told me he couldn't lie. Bollocks I say. Lying starts when we get defensive. And then it evolves into something more sinister - a facade to cover up the real you, for fear that the real you would not suffice and would in turn humiliate you or put you below the acceptable norms and par of this "perfect" society. Why are we not proud of ourselves the way we are? Why are we not happy about the things we've done? Why do we keep dirty little secrets hidden in a safe tucked away deep in our memories?

Can you please break away from this mask filled with lies and step out away from the collosal brick wall that had made you a different you? Or would you just stay there forever so the only thing I would see is the fake you?

How many of us are truly honest with our friends?

The reason I write this is not for you to ponder - it is because I want to know the real you.

Sleeping Sun

2007-09-22T22:35:00.000+08:00

I don't know why but I booted up my PC, went over to my music folder containing the smogasboard of tunes I have shrewdly harvested over the years and of all bands, I picked the one that I have not heard in the longest of time - Nightwish. I dragged the song Sleeping Sun into the playlist of Windows Media Player and heard the sweet voice of Tarja, like a cherubim serenading the surprisingly quiet Saturday night as my hard disk chimed and whirred in the background.

And then I fell in love with this song. Heh. And since I have not updated this blog for a long time, I shall just paste the music video here. :) Apparently they wrote this song for the 1999 eclipse of the sun. They remade the song again in 2005 but I think the new vocalist sucks balls. Nightwish before 2005 rocked. Nightwish after 2005? Nah.. no thanks.

Enjoy.

The sun is sleeping quietly
Once upon a century
Wistful oceans calm and red
Ardent caresses laid to rest

For my dreams I hold my life
For wishes I behold my night
The truth at the end of time
Losing faith makes a crime

I wish for this night-time
to last for a lifetime
The darkness around me
Shores of a solar sea
Oh how I wish to go down with the sun
Sleeping
Weeping
With you

Sorrow has a human heart
From my god it will depart
I'd sail before a thousand moons
Never finding where to go

Two hundred twenty-two days of light
Will be desired by a night
A moment for the poet's play
Until there's nothing left to say

I wish for this night-time...

-Nightwish , "Sleeping Sun"

Aural Sex Part II

2007-09-13T22:35:00.000+08:00

I've been getting a rather un-Godly amount of music fed into my aural senses. But there isn't much point if you just keep quiet about the superb music you have stumbled upon right? Sharing is caring and this is what I'm here to do:

To spread the joy of deep house.

From Lisa Shaw to Miguel Migs to Mark Farina and a few others. These tracks have been lightening up my days from last week.

First up, I'd like to introduce you to Mark Farina, perhaps the Godfather of Hard House. Yes. If Kaskade makes you tear off your clothes and party, Mark Farina would fly you to Jupiter in all your glory. This is a sample of what he sounds like thanks to YouTube. Here's the YouTube link:

Lisa Shaw. I found out about her when I was watching a documentary about Deep House in YouTube. I did a quick search in Amazon and fell in love with her tracks. She does vocal for her songs and she does jazz as well if memory serves me right. The following video is Lisa Shaw's Let It Ride. Sorry I couldn't find a better video. I don't know who that chick is in the video but what the hell. As long as you could sample what she sounds like :)

Kaskade! Yay! The most stupefying, absolutely amazing DJ ever. I bloody love Kaskade as of the moment. And here's another Kaskade track for you:

It's been a long time. And they've been creeping slowly back into my life. Deep Dish. Heh. As if the Yoshitoshi and Tenshi fever didn't last long enough, it seems to have infected me all over again. Check them out.

The last one isn't exactly a DJ. It's an album produced under the Hed Kandi label. They call it Stereo Sushi and I'd be happy to get my hands on one copy teehee. The first minute of the video might be a little *bleh* but just listen more. It's really good when it gets to the middle.

I guess that's all the masturbatory songs that I'm going to share today, ladies and gentlemen! I have lots lots more it's just that I'm not in the mood for any other music except for deep house and the occasional piano solo nowadays. I don't really feel like opening up my trance folders. The trance filled days are long gone.

I hope you enjoyed these songs as much as I did. I know a select few people who would :) Take care and continue rocking the world people!

"It’s nice when the heart
The heart is beating faster
Feeling alive when there is wanting
Always the same
I jump too quickly
Be still my soul

Is love so serious
The more we think
The less we know
Is love mysterious
Holding tight
When we should let go
(2x)

Now that this love
Has overcome me
Now that this fire
Is burning bright
All of these words
Seem just beyond my reasoning
Be still my soul

It’s love so serious
The more we think
The less we know
It’s love mysterious
Holding tight
When we should let go
(4x)

Just let it go"

--Be Still by Kaskade

Older... but hardly wiser...

2007-09-11T16:50:00.000+08:00

so i am back from my birthday hiatus... had a pleasant weekend at home, although a couple of people bailed on me.. (you know who you are!!! i fully expect to be compensated!!!) in which i got my new phone!! yayy... at least i received ONE item on the list... *hint hint* on actual day, had mandarin test that i woke up late for (45 mins!!!... *$#@!) because i was studying late for it (oh! the irony) but managed to finish in time...

thanks to everyone who messaged and blogged and called and serenaded me... i totally appreciate it. it's nice to be remembered even though some of you are like super far away... (oklar, across causeway, but still far to me)

special thanks to my housemates for taking time off to bring me go kaikai the whole day... *bigsquishyhug* i is love you guys!!! also to the debate buddies for dinner-ing with me and dedicating me a birthday song (kAAt, sAAm, iylia, devAAn) hehehe... me love you long time!

overall, jill is happy camper, yes she is. =)

Weep, and the World Weeps Too

2007-09-10T01:43:00.000+08:00

"Remain united to me, and I will remain united to you. A branch cannot bear fruit by itself; it can only do so if it remains in the vine. In the same way you cannot bear fruit unless you remain in me." - John 15:4

This verse reverberates in my mind as I stared up into the starless night, its glittering beauty masked by the melancholy rain clouds. My eyes burn from the tears I have shed earlier on, with more threatening to flow unto my cheek as the memories from yesteryear flashed in my mind.

Life has its ups and downs. Without the downs we wouldn't know that the ups are indeed ups. I've begun to have a fondness for that saying. Perhaps it's the only way to comfort yourself when the times are filled with sorrow.

With this goes my simple condolence. I don't think you'd read this but it gives me a sense of joy - like a subliminal prayer, although I do hope you'd read it. I really meant it when I told you I know how you felt. I went through it a little too early in life myself. God has plans for us all and he already has a well thought out plan for him. I could see him penning down the details of his next endeavor for his newly returned servant, showering him with love and care as is his norm. Our Lord's servant looks down from the Heavens at his wife, son and daughter without remorse, for it is all part and parcel of life. He smiles and knows the fact - that he had lived his life to the fullest just by trusting in Him.

I wouldn't ask you to "try to be happy" or anything like that. There is no control when it comes to these feelings. I still feel pangs of sadness till this day. What I'm going to ask you is - trust that he is in a better place now without suffering anymore, and that the Lord has graciously accepted him into His arms.

I wish you luck in your future. Don't throw yours away as I did with mine. We're all meant for something greater. We just have to finish the race huh? :) I would send this to you in a note or say it to you in person but as I have said - I know how you feel.

Take care dear friend.

It's Your Birthday! Yay!

2007-09-07T00:00:00.000+08:00

The clock strikes 12. The moon glows strong in the cloudless night. A new day beckons. Are you, my fellow reader, capable of comprehending what a big day this is?

Remember, remember the 7^th of September.

For this post shall burn it into your feeble mind forever…

Today.. is..

Jill’s birthday! Yay!

My best wishes to your dear friend. Since you wrote about me in your multiply blog when it was my birthday, I shall have the honor of repaying that wonderful thought.

My bestie. My half girlfriend. My super foul-mouthed talk cock buddy. My nocturnal friend who send me really nice mp3s 5 in the morning when the whole world is asleep. You’re perhaps the one friend that I treasure a lot. And a lot means fuckloads. And fuckloads cannot be quantified.

You’re the only person who corrects my English and teaches me new words. It is because of you that I feel MUET needs another extra band. I cannot debate with you about any matter concerning logic and general knowledge because of my low IQ and your tremendous ability to churn out words unheard of in the world (or at least Malaysia).

This is what I’ve learnt so far, maybe in the past 1 month only:

L’Oreal’s model search was rigged

Brinjal = Eggplant = Aubergine

Debating is cool

OneRepublic is so frickin sick (I actually queue the song endlessly)

World is small and sometimes I’m dumb.. im sorry

My brain could be female

Well, you get the idea…

Anyhow I wouldn’t drag this longer anymore. I remember what you wrote in your blog last time: “I appreciate you appreciating me”. And yes Jill, I appreciate you appreciating me appreciating you. Thanks for the things you’ve done and for the fun times I’ve had because you were being you. We’re only 400km apart huh? No biggie right? Heh..

Sorry for what I’ve done wrong. Sorry for the fuck ups I’ve committed (this includes the recent one… hehe). Sorry if you’ve ever felt offended when I called you bitch or called you when you were in class or when you were just in a bad mood.

You have a good one over there in Penang girl. I’ll catch up with you when I see you next hehe. Once again, Happy Birthday Dear Friend.

Party hard always,

mingluen

p/s – bring me clubbing in penang laa.. or at least club in kl laa.. we’ve never clubbed together before and that’s so uncool…

happy birthday woman!!!

One Republic

2007-09-04T01:42:00.000+08:00

i accidentally stumbled across this band, and their songs are awesome.. (albeit mostly slow, and some are pretty ber-emo). but i like them... plus i'm in the mood to layan them these days.. heh.

the lead singer's voice is incredible and he's cute too! :) And he plays the piano... they even have a cellist! their songs are really rich and i really like their lyrics..

i can't find their official website, but you can check out their myspace here. i'm sure the sample of songs are enough to get you hooked.. ;)

sorry, can't find any decent pics of them, but you can find loads of their videos on youtube as well... this band is seriously low profile giler...

Aural Sex

2007-08-30T03:02:00.000+08:00

I have succumbed to the dreamy music and thump-thumping of hard house/hard trance. It all started one day when I decided to burn myself a CD for the car. Hed Kandi's World Series Paris had a particular track that I fell in love with. Muzzaik with S.O.S. I went onto Amazon and sampled some really cool tracks and came up with the 5 coolest hard house compilations I could listen to. People who loved the first few volumes of Yoshitoshi should love this.

NUMERO UNO!: Yoshitoshi Miami mixed by Cedric Gervais

In typical Yoshi-esque style. Yeah baby.

Number 2: Renaissance Satoshi Tomiie

Hard house. Very similar to the above, if not slightly less energetic. I like.

#3 Global Underground 30: Nick Warren
Wah lau eh! Everybody's favorite DJ with the 30th installment of the Global Underground series. Not as housey as Deep Dish but I like I like. hehe I'm starting to think that this is a dumb post but nevermind!

Number 4: Kaskade: House of Om

Thanks to Jon for introducing. Kaskade is perhaps the one single DJ that made me go: "What the f**k was that?!". Yes. Just check out the youtube link below this post. Hohoho be prepared to rip off your clothes and dance.

Numbah Five: Luka Fair with Balance 011

Could be a little electronic but it reminds me a lot of the albums above. Yummy songs. Teehee

I really don't mind if someone could get me these CDs. Will love you forever. Haha. I may not be as sweet and girly as Jill but I can sure try to get some freebies right? lol

Good night and happy dancing Malaysia. Happy ladies night Penang. And happy ladies night tomorrow, KL. Happy bored-as-hell-with-no-booze-or-chicks Ipoh!

Kaskade - It's You It's Me

"people who are dancin'
their hands are raised to the sky
different colors and different races
all united by the rhythm
the dancefloor is our temple
this is our congregation
that's when I realized
only the music can save our soul"
--Muzzaik - S.O.S

Plagiarism

2007-08-28T13:30:00.000+08:00

I hate my group. I've only proofread 3 group members' portions of my project, and I have already read the same paragraph about 3 times. And it's not only one paragraph. It's many. I think by the time I am done, I would be able to quote directly from the website because that's probably where the text came from. I hate lecturers who don't let us choose our own group members. Don't fucking complain about the quality of work if you fucking split up people who are able to perform into different groups just because you think we should a) mingle, b) be able to work with other people, c) help idiots who can't do their work properly. If I don't get good grades for this fucking project... I am so going to shout at my lecturer and complain about all my group mates. Malaysia has a fucked up education system. Oh, and did I mention I hate my group?

- edit -: i don't hate them as people... just their work ethics..

Adventurous Anecdote

2007-08-17T17:04:00.000+08:00

Thursday morning. I woke up from my sleep as my phone buzzed with the melody of My Chemical Romance's Black Parade. It was an SMS from pingz. "Heya.. you free later in the afternoon?" the message read. I looked up to the cob-webbed ceiling of my room, yawned and grimaced as I remembered I have bloody CAD lab from 2 to 5. I knew if I didn't see her today, I'd see her only a few months down the road, which really sucks. "Busy bitch", I thought to myself. "But fun nonetheless".

I trudged my way to college, not eager to see the faces of my group partners, who I'm not particularly fond of. Clenched my fists at the thought of a long experiment as I exhaled the last of the cigarette into the blue blue sky. I thought of the impending lab report, the only thing that I've hated continuously since I entered college. Report report report. I walked up to the laboratory with my sling bag swinging nonchalantly by my side and read the words of wisdom pasted on the walls beside my lab. The moment I reached the lab, my heart leaped with joy and heaved with sorrow. The lab was empty! Which means I get to see pingz! But my mother-humping lab partners did not even care to inform me. Assholes. But seeing her would be a bigger priority now. I lashed out my phone and dialed the all too familiar number.

*pout*

"Bitch you free?", i asked. "I'm going out now". "Where you going?". "I wanna eat.. hungwee..". "Okay I'm coming now. Let's have lunch".

And that started the biggest adventure I've ever had the pleasure of having in a long, long time.

I zoomed to Sultan Ismail, cutting through the bustling city of KL using the Smart Tunnel and finally reaching Menara Sime Darby. Had my last fix of nicotine before pingz arrived because she does mean things when I smoke. As the smoke slowly but fluidly disappeared into the thin air of KL, there she was, in her purple top, walking towards the bus stand where I stood.

"Where do you wanna eat?", I asked, bringing upon me a sense of deja vu. "Anywhere.. I hungry. See la. Wait for you for an hour, stupid". Shot out of Lorong Haji Taib and headed towards KLCC because that was the closest non-pariah KL place we could think of. Cutting things short, we wound up in Shrooms' Oyster Bar, which looked really classy, exterior wise only. Deep inside I think this place is a total rip-off. Fucked up waiters. Fucked up food. Company was good so I just didn't care.

Myriad of colors blur reality and imagination. Haha nolah. Just orange tangerine and I forgot whats the name.

Tuna sushi, udon, unagi bento and extra prawns for the boot.

"You wanna see the paintings?", she asked. "Sure thing", I said as I nodded in the searing afternoon sun. With this being said, we had another agenda - Central Market KL. With it being rush hour, we decided to take the train instead. From KLCC we headed towards Masjid Jamek and from there to Pasar Seni. The trains were jam packed full of people, like sardines in a can, waiting to explode.

The Annex. My dream come true.

The Annex [sorry for being a dumbass confusing names Jill]. That's what Razman calls the place. This is where paintings and photographs complementing the 16 best short short stories sent for Digi's Apostrophe competition are shown in all their glory. Stories are to be at maximum 16 words long. The 16 best stories will be translated into paintings and contemporary photographs, depicting the scenes in the story. Using her abnormally high prowess of the English language and the knack for being morbid, she penned something good enough to baffle judges and emerge top 16.

pingz and her work! And also being silly! While the dude was away!

pingz wrote: "The meat good?" he asks as I chew. "Had to get rid of the body somehow".

I like: "Quickly, mop up the blood and hide the bodies". The man in the mirror told me.

Also cool: Little girl. Marketplace. Little hands. Selling tissue paper. I wonder where she sleeps at night.

After spending time there, we decided go grab a drink in Central Market before going home. That was when someone laced my drink with brown sugar and gave me the "hyper". Met Nelson, who I didn't see for four years already. What a shock.

Sugar poisoning!!! You stupid bitch. I shall have my revenge.

The end of our trip to Central Market was the start of an urban adventure for me. We took the train from Pasar Seni to Masjid Jamek [where we got lost] and then from there to Sultan Ismail where I walked her home. We said our goodbyes and then I got a phone call from Alex.

"Hey man, where are you?", Alex asked, sounding exasperated. "Uhh.. I'm in KL man. Don't worry I'm coming back now. I'll be there in time", I uttered, referring to the short sketch we were supposed to perform. I was supposed to make the props and also narrate the story for the people attending. "What time does it start?", I started to sweat and the blister on my right foot was killing me, dulling all the other senses. "It'll be at about 8.30 to 8.45 later". I looked at a faint glow on the wall in a mamak. The neons spelled out the numerical nightmare - 7.45pm. I had barely and hour to hop on a train back to KLCC and get back to Serdang.

But I was in a good mood and didn't want to spoil the moment. I looked up to the sky, uttered somethings to dear Him and told myself no matter how bad it is, I'm going to reach in time. I reached KLCC in barely anytime before I realized - I didn't wait for any trains at all on the way back. They all came as soon as I had ascended the escalator. Sweet.

Made my way back and completed everything I had to do. It was a blast. The best sketch ever. Period. Nothing came close to us and we were hands down the best. Plus we had the best drinks ever made for Techflow. I don't remember them having any drinks like this before. Maybe it's because Agent Shwe is handling the drinks. She is a natural when it comes to mixing drinks, cocktails and mocktails. Or maybe it's the bottle she used to stir the mixture with because she didn't bring a spoon. Heh.

5 bottles of 100Plus + 1 bottle Sunquick + stir with 100Plus bottle + lots of ice = goodness.

"Cheow, where are you?", the voice on the phone said. "I'm coming to Serdang now". It was Meng Lee, on his way to Serdang to show off this new Kawasaki Ninja. And once again, I left the university and headed back to my place. Really awesome bike. Makes me want to lie to my mum and take a bike test. Heh. For your information I'm not allowed to ride motorcycles. Mum and dad were doctors and all they see are broken bones and people getting shitfaced in accidents.

I know you're about to get fed up after reading this very long winded post. But yeah. I enjoyed my day. I hope you did too. 13 hours, 3 painful blisters, 5 train rides, 3 slaps from Jill and many good friends later, I woke up this morning smiling like I should have been a long time ago...

Nice seeing ya pingz. Good luck for your debate. Hopefully you guys will win something and get the financial support for Australs!

Singing off a happy dude,

Five Things I Love to Hate About Malaysia

2007-08-14T21:38:00.000+08:00

Merdeka is around the corner! (plus i'm in a good mood) Empty cries of patriotism and seeing the national colors being commercialized to feed the greed of humanity are just a few of the most happening things to occur during this period of time!

Hence, as a patriotic Malaysian, I hereby list down the 5 things I love to hate about Malaysia!

Number 1
I love to hate Malaysian toilets! Despite public outcry and the governments initiative to spruce up the sanitary conditions of our water closets, they still remain as dirty as hell. Malaysian toilet bowls and sinks have the natural ability to retain dirt, urine and shit as well as a thousand other things people throw into them. And Malaysians have the little known ability to shoot their urine anywhere they want except into toilet bowls and that little "Shoot Me!" frog in the urine bowls. How cool is that?

You don't wanna know where this is. But you get the picture.

Number 2
I love to hate Malaysian rush hour traffic. This happens especially when you have:
a) A manual car
b) Had a bad day
c) You're in a rush
d) You're in a rush, had a bad day and drive a manual car

I don't think I have to elaborate further. Kuala Lumpur traffic jams are the epitome of everything, especially when it rains.

Fellow Malaysians. Been there. Done that.

Number 3
I love to hate Malaysian police. You're driving on the highway and suddenly in front of you - a police block! A typical Malaysian would panic even though he didn't do anything wrong. Why? Because Mr. Policeman wants a free meal - all sponsored by your wallet and hard work. I've done 110kph all the way back from KL to Ipoh before and they stopped me, citing that I had sped up to 121kph. Note that 120kph is the maximum allowable speed (to facilitate overtaking on freeways) and they supposedly "clocked" me at 121kph. The more I insisted, the more fidgety that ass got. At last he said "Takpe lah. Lain kali jangan buat". WTF. If I'm wrong summon me la!

Hahahaha They think they actually look cool in that

Number 4
Picture this: You're driving nicely on the right lane and suddenly some mother-humper comes up behind you at lightning speed and starts flashing his headlights like there is no tomorrow. Yes. I love to hate Malaysian drivers. Malaysian drivers are perhaps the most semantic and physical drivers in the world. Here are their super powers:
a) Flashing their damn headlights to tell you to fuck off their lanes.
b) Can park in front people's house and HORN because they can't take their lazy asses out to ring the bell.
c) They cannot park for shits.
d) The ability to drive, wind down the window, shout whole lines of expletives about your mother's reproductive system, and show you the middle finger at the same time.
e) Drive slow on the middle lane.
f) Leave the damn signal on and driving straight.
g) Go to the Touch N Go lane just to find out they do not have a Touch N Go card.

WTF is this kind of parking? I just don't get it. Yeha in college summore.

Number 5
Last but not least: I love to hate the weather in Malaysia. It can be so hot and humid sometimes that I wish we could shift the country north or southwards by a few latitudes. Give us cool breezy winds and not some hot humid shit.

Honestly the list goes on, but I have an exam tomorrow and I need to study. These points are just my two cents lah. Different people might love to hate different things la but due to time constraints I only wrote 5 (supposed to write 10). Hope you enjoyed this post! Happy Independence Day Malaysia and happy holidays Malaysians!

Silhouette of the best place in the world... (besides Ipoh that is hehehe)

damn 8tv and their stupid live summer concert...

2007-08-12T18:17:00.000+08:00

i hadn't planned on going home this weekend as i was terribly swamped with loads of presentations, projects and what-nots.. but since i had to meet up with a couple of friends, i decided to go home at the eleventh hour. i usually buy or book my bus tickets ahead before i leave, but i thought since it was a saturday morning (8am!! urgh..) it would be fine and i could get a ticket... big mistake.

i had to buy a 9am ticket from some unknown bus company which took ages to arrive and was really uncomfortable (i got the last seat... sigh)... but nothing.. i repeat, NOTHING can beat my bus trip today to penang from ipoh.

i got on the bus at 11am... and i arrived at 3.30pm. yes, it took me FOUR and a HALF fucking HOURS to get from IPOH to PENANG.

i could have freaking REACHED KL!!!! i could have GONE TO PENANG and BACK AGAIN TO IPOH!!! i could have GONE to the ENGINEERING CAMPUS on the mainland and BACK AGAIN FOUR or FIVE TIMES!!! i could have... oh, you get the picture!

the bus practically crawled at 40km/h... i kid you not. 4 1/2 hours, you do the math. i later found out it was because the bus had some problems, and the bus company did not have any spare buses. WHERE GOT SUCH THING WAN you tell me!!! plus we were delayed, stopped billions of times for the driver to have secret rendezvous with goodness-knows-who, find other buses for butterworth people, toilet stops.. arghhhhh!! SOPISSEDWANTEDTOSTRANGLEBABIESANDPULLOFFEARSOFBUNNIES!!!!!

so remember, the next time you want to travel from ipoh to penang, do NOT take eagle express if you can help it. i had to because i needed to be in penang (presentations on monday) and EVERY OTHER (REPUTED) BUS COMPANY was SOLD OUT because of 8tv's damn summer concert thingie that i had totally forgotten about. and to think i paid an EXTRA rm1.50 for that idiotic bus ticket (yup..the ticket costs 15 bucks). i rather like taking this bus company from penang to ipoh, pity it sucks on return trips.

Happy Birthday Fuckface!

2007-08-12T17:24:00.001+08:00

Lim. Soon. Kong. These three words that form a name reverberated through my life like a cactus stuck in my anal orifice. Hehehe!!! I really hope you're reading this too don't worry man.

I've known you since Primary 1 in fuckin' Cator Avenue. Remember all the shit we used to do in school? All the shit we used to say? And all the utterly embarrassing things we used to pull off? Those were the days. And since I'm free, I'm gonna recap them and BURN you, my dear friend :)

Remember how we used to stare in awe at Yat Meng's bulu kaki? Yeah man. He had more on his pubes than our fathers have on their heads cumulatively.

Remember how we used to think that Owen was in fact a girl? And that we're in co-ed? Short lived happiness for a 7 year old I guess. But at that time, girls were just.. well, girls.

Remember pasar malam nights? LOL When we used to complain because Mr. Ng's tuition is on Tuesday nights and all the chicks go to pasar malams on Tuesdays.

Remember how much Mr. King hated you? Mr. King right his name? The chemistry a-hole? hehehe He kept on telling you to go kick the bucket. LoL That's because you were noisy and fidgety, you cunt.

And ooooo remember the whole love triangle fiasco shit fuck that exploded in everyone's faces? Holy shit. That sucked really bad man. I was with you that time man and I know how shit felt. Fuck them bitches huh? But it was really funny and taught me so many things about life. (EDIT: come to think of it - was it a love triangle? or was it a quadrangle? pentangle? many-many-angle?)

Remember our first day in Mr. Ng's tuition? We were like "Who the fuck is Mr. Ng?" and suddenly we saw some old fart sitting at a corner smoking and we thought he was a common beggar? Teehee! That was bloody Mr. Ng man.

The Teenage Textbook! And the Teenage Workbook! The best books in the world that only uou and I read! Damn I miss the book. I can still remember the names from the book - Kok Sean and Mui Ee. Hehe amazing huh? I loved that book very very much man. Too bad Malaysia doesn't sell shit like this.

You almost died in Fern's car in Penang too. The one where she, being a female Penang driver, could not differentiate between a red light and a green light and shoved her car into an oncoming cars lane? Hehe. Lucky you.

I'll always recall the ride in Mun Wai's car. Mun Wai speeding down the road early in the morning. Kelvin Mak cover macho in the front seat. Me wishing that I didn't have to die so early. FLY crying by herself in the back seat. You playing handphone to cover macho. And Chin Zwen laughing by herself, asking Mun Wai to go faster. ahahahaha

I remember Mandarin class especially. One time you said FUCK in front of your mum and everyone ran for cover expecting your mum to lash out and futt buck you. I still remember how Yat Meng sucked at mandarin no matter how much he tried. I remember the farting stunts your family pulls with us there in the kitchen. Remember how Yat Sau pwned her bro's ass at mandarin and all her bro could do was just sit and grow bulu.

I think I should stop here, before going into details about penises and public displays of sex during the college days. Heee!!!!

We used to sit down, just the both of us, and bitch about the whole world and everyone we hated. It's the kind of friendship I very much enjoy. We have mutual affection and hate towards pretty much everybody in our group of friends. Too bad you had to go to New Zealand to fuck sheeps or we could have met up more often :)

It was good seeing you just now. Even better because it's been so long. You know I only use harsh words in front you you, mate, because thats all we do when we meet up - be sarcastic and fuck the world. Have a happy 22nd Birthday my dear friend. I'll have many more years to point at you in the face and laugh at your pathetic life, and you'd have the same :) Many well wishes, take care and may God ride down from the clouds in a magnificent chariot laced with gold and bless you with his Shining Hammer of Light +2.

*hugz*

Soon Kong and Vincent. Soon Kong being the uglier cow cow in that blue stripey outfit. Never is he the one to look better in photos.

Emi-boo! and Sulina. It's been 4 years, Su. 4 frickin' years since I last saw you! Rawr!

Allen and Eric, Emi-boo's Boo.

CMay + Soonie-boo. Dude, you're still the ugly one in the photo.

Happy Birthday fuckhole. May the world hate you more and more as the years past. Heh. Just kidding man. Have a good one alright? Guess we're just too old for booze oriented activities already huh?

Mayyyyjorrrrr Malllfunctionnnnnnnn! Fuck!

2007-08-10T19:29:00.000+08:00

The truth hurts. And when it comes to certain matters, it hurts bad. Feels like being spurned by a double edged spear as the whole world stood there - watching you writhe in your self-created misery, pointing their skinny fingers, giggling at the sad excuse of melancholy that made you what you were.

Truth heard from another's mouth hurts even more. A thousand headed masticore gnashing its teeth, running towards you - it sucks because you know you cannot do anything about it.

Thank you my dear friend TetekBoy, for spilling me the beans and to let me experience one of the facts in life - you cannot always get what you want. Here I am, cordoned alone in my room as the other people roam carefree and oblivious to so many things around them. It is all but good. However, wounds heal, given time. Where did I go wrong? I don't think I would ever know of it. Someone showed me a real sweet poem from EE Cummings this afternoon and the only picture that plopped into my otherwise empty mind was that.

I am at a lost now. Falling down the infinite spiral of time as the people around me walk past me in torrents, all with their own closets of emotional ups and downs. I hold up a hand and stare into the blank space above. Pull me away. Please. I beg you. I've had enough...

***
Holy shit. This is the the single weirdest day in my fuckin life. Why the fuck is everyone quarelling and breaking up with their other halves?! Heh. "Cliques break up together" - I'd remember this line :) Anyhow, this is really fucked up. My whole house is in some kind of fucking ruckus. Time for my booze. Just wanna get drunk and sleep it off.
***

Happy walks in the park, fairytale-like happiness, perpetual euphoria. Fuck no.

You may tire of me as our December sun is setting
'Cause I'm not who I used to be
No longer easy on the eyes
These wrinkles masterfully disguise
The youthful boy below
who turned your way and saw
Something he was not looking for
Both a beginning and an end
But now he lives inside someone he does not recognize
When he catches his reflection on accident

On the back of a motor bike
With your arms outstretched trying to take flight
Leaving everything behind
But even at our swiftest speed
We couldn't break from the concrete
In the city where we still reside
And I have learned
That even landlocked lovers yearn
For the sea like navy men
'Cause now we say goodnight
From our own separate sides
Like brothers on a hotel bed [x4]

You may tire of me as our december sun is setting
'Cause I'm not who I used to be

To My Own "Delilah"

2007-08-08T13:06:00.000+08:00

Songs remind you of people. I wrote this before and shall not do it again. This song goes out to my very own "Delilah" somewhere in the hustle-bustle of Kuala Lumpur.. it's what you do to me..

"Hey there Delilah
What's it like in New York City?
I'm a thousand miles away
But girl tonight you look so pretty
Yes you do
Times Square can't shine as bright as you
I swear it's true

Hey there Delilah
Don't you worry about the distance
I'm right there if you get lonely
Give this song another listen
Close your eyes
Listen to my voice it's my disguise
I'm by your side

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me

Hey there Delilah
I know times are getting hard
But just believe me girl
Someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar
We'll have it good
We'll have the life we knew we would
My word is good

Hey there Delilah
I've got so much left to say
If every simple song I wrote to you
Would take your breath away
I'd write it all
Even more in love with me you'd fall
We'd have it all

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me

A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they've got planes and trains and cars
I'd walk to you if I had no other way
Our friends would all make fun of us
and we'll just laugh along because we know
That none of them have felt this way
Delilah I can promise you
That by the time we get through
The world will never ever be the same
And you're to blame

Hey there Delilah
You be good and don't you miss me
Two more years and you'll be done with school
And I'll be making history like I do
You'll know it's all because of you
We can do whatever we want to
Hey there Delilah here's to you
This ones for you

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me."

-Hey There Delilah, Plain White T's//

How much longer till I get to see you?

Minggu Ini Dalam Sejarah

2007-08-06T23:14:00.000+08:00

First and foremost - Welcome Back Miss Wonggggggg!!! Welcome back to Malaysia where the weather, humidity and currency exchange rate sucks. And thanks for that little "present" of yours :)

Let us recap the past week. I went clubbing (at last) with Miss Wong, Choon May and Becca at Maison, which really sucked because most of the people there were like.. 10 years of age? I don't mean to exaggerate but it was really young and crowded. And no, I'm not poking fun at young people. There are a few who I regard as not young but older in thinking than me even. Anyways it was really awesome after such a long time not seeing Steven, Chin Hui, Andy, and the rest of them asses. Not to mention Kane and Ganeson in bloody Maison of all places you can be.

Best of all, was seeing you after so long, Miss Wong. Please e-mail me the photos because I don't have any of us together. Nice to be clubbing with you too, Becca. Just too bad it wasn't as happening as we've hoped it to be huh? And the most surprising was of course, Choon May. Didn't see you after high school girl. Really weird. Heh. We should do this again hehe. And the next time we should do it at the Loft or the Atrium (as pingz told me).

Slept at 6 and woke up with a damn headache and a partial hangover at 9 in the morning to get to Taman Maluri's Jusco to stack up on sushi sushi sushi! Hehe! Made some sushi in the morning as rations for the eagerly awaited trip to Muadzam Shah, Pahang. I don't know how did I manage to do that still...

Sarah aka Babi-Tron hustlin' with her hustler cap. Westside.

Uh huh.. Aggie aka Bodoh-Tron. With a cap. And weird hair.

And Smelly-Tron sleeping on the way there.

At night I met up with my old pal Sunny. Joined up with Carlos and Navin and went up to Kuantan to meet John, Leng, Loraine, Jas, Ah Hock and some girl I forgot her name. This was the coolest bunch of people. Ever. In Pahang. Heh.

Trip there was real scary shit.

I bloody kid you not.

The township of Gambang. Quiet.

Went to TC. Teluk Cempedak baby. Armed with a 24 hour McD overlooking a beach, I fell to my knees in love for Kuantan. I love beaches.

Loraine, Jas and John in McDs.

Eh Hello this is Leng and Carlos Hello.

The most happening people in Kuantan (besides Babitron). From left: Navin, Jas, Me, Loraine, Sunny, Leng and John. Carlos, Ah Hock and un-named girl behind camera.

But wait. Enough fun bits. Lets get serious. For the people who understand what I mean, read up. If not, just skip this awfully boring part. Hehe.

I'm Sorry.

This goes out to all the people I have directly and non-directly afflicted in my mismanagement of activities during our trip to Pahang.

I don't know what had gotten into me but in contrast to the accepted fact, my trip was not pre-planned. I honestly had thought I was going back to the guys apartment that night. Never did I know that the trip was serious. I have no one to blame but myself for it. I sincerely apologize to the whole planning committee for the atrocious mis-conduct I have so blatantly done. I know that was a naive and stupid thing to do.

Khootron. Babitron. Shwetron. Smellytron. I'm sorry. Especially to you, Babitron. Especially you. I was so worried you'd get pissed off at me I seriously did not know what to do during that time. I hope you people won't have any prejudice against me next time because I assure you wholeheartedly that this is the first and last time I'm pulling off a stunt like that. And another apology to Babitron for the night before when I tripped the alarm for the Myvi. I know you were pissed. I need you to know I'm sorry.

I don't know how much difference this post can make but I must at least try to amend matters between us. We're like family. You people are like family. Just wanted you to know. Drop me a message to make me feel better if you read this alright? Heh...

Midnight breeze / Caressing my skin
Baby please / Start the fire within

Cadaver Calculator

2007-07-31T18:20:00.000+08:00

Rejoice! In the event that you kick the bucket, you can know roughly how much your body is worth to science! I found this in the internet and would like to share it with you guys.

The Cadaver Calculator!

My cadaver is worth $3440.00 as of the time being (while I'm still 22). Doesn't this make you feel so much better about dying?

$3440.00

Mingle² - Free Online Dating

You Stupid [insert derogatory word]

2007-07-23T20:58:00.000+08:00

This post was meant to be posted two days ago, on the 23rd of July, a downright moody Monday with sombre rain trickling down from the gloomy sky for the better part of the day. However, pingz has posted something beforehand so I think I should wait a couple more days till I officially post this up.

***

The gloomy weather is really ironic - complimenting the utter disappointment I harbor for you. This discontentment had been brewing within me for the past year and a half and today, well, just to simply put it - you brought everything to a whole new level of fucked up-ness. Down with your lies and bad mouthing for I know the repercussions of me writing this and if you read this. That is why I shall explain as elaborately as possible why am I so fucking disappointed at you as of this morning.

Merriam Webster defines the word "friendship" as a noun to define the state of being friends. And friends being one attached to another by affection or esteem, more than an acquaintance. To be really honest, I have never ever lost a friend before in my life. Looks like you're the first. What you did this morning was totally uncalled for. And I take that you do not want to even acknowledge that I exist in this word anymore

Remember the words you uttered one day? "We'll see each other so often we'll become sick of each other at the end of three months".

Three months. Three months with one of my fastest friends ever. Three months where I had someone to depend on and care for. The three months were followed by a year of lies to loved ones. Cheap, shallow lies that only the brain dead would not understand. You'll have to agree with me - these lies were started by you. I thought you used them to redefine my innocence in the problems we had with another person whom you know well enough. Hell, that's what you said. Honestly, was this really the case? Or was it to protect your own name from being tarnished by the vultures of slander?

Remember the times at the car park? Remember the trips we used to take in the outskirts of town just to see real estate? Remember us doing nothing, just lazing around in my living room? Remember what you told me during Christmas before you went home? Remember why Crumbs is Crumbs? Of fucking course you don't. Because you didn't care. And I was a fool to have shared so much with you.

Do you want to know what one of my biggest regrets in life was? No it was not knowing you. It was that I wrote an APOLOGY letter to you because Brother Sta. Maria from ICC told me to. That was one time when I had so much faith in God that Brother convinced me that it was not your fault - instead I have to make amendments. Thank you for crushing my faith. Or perhaps he was trying to teach me something important in life through you? Like - teaching me how fucked up so called "pious" and "oh-I-love-God" kind of people can be. Go on your missionary trips. Be oh so goody when facing the Lord. But at the end of the day, you're far worse than the majority of the people I know.

Now then, but why did this suddenly come to an abrupt end? Very well, let us recap okay? First off, we took two trips down to Pangkor. Then you took another trip down. But after ONE YEAR of lying, you decide to forsake everything and not lie for the first time. Photo frames breaking, photos torn. Remember? Of course you do. But did you care? No I don't think so.

What happened to the word "brother"? Bro. Bro. Bro. Now just a faint echo lost in time? I can't even ask how you're doing nowadays. I don't know if I should remain as I am or should I just fuck this whole fiasco aside. Don't make me cuss anymore. I don't like it anymore than you do. But please understand this - I am fucking disappointed in what you did. I am not pissed off. Let it be known then, that today is the first time I lost a friend. You know what's the worse part? It was your fault all the while.

Do not once think I do not hear about the slander you tell other people about me. I cringe in melancholic laughter when I hear this uncivilized crap coming out from the supposedly "civilized" you.

Lastly, thank you for being my friend in the past. If fate has it's way, somehow or rather we might be friends later in this life or in another. Thank you for taking me for a fool or I wouldn't have learned this lesson. I apologized before. You didn't give a rat's ass about it. Thank you for letting me know that no matter how close a person is to God, temptation has its ways. I enjoyed my time. I hope you did too. Know that the friends I have today are a thousand times better than you. I have found a select few friends who know how to appreciate people a whole lot more than you.

If you're reading this. Fate has its ways. If not, well, it just not meant to be...

Just because i heart this song

2007-07-23T20:09:00.000+08:00

Snow Patrol - Signal Fire

The perfect words never crossed my mind,
'cause there was nothing in there but you,
I felt every ounce of me screaming out,
But the sound was trapped deep in me,
All I wanted just sped right past me,
While I was rooted fast to the earth,
I could be stuck here for a thousand years,
Without your arms to drag me out

There you are standing right in front of me,
There you are standing right in front of me,
All this fear falls away to leave me naked,
Hold me close cause I need you to guide me to safety

No I won't wait forever
No I won't wait forever

In the confusion and the aftermath,
You are my signal fire,
The only resolution and the only joy,
Is the faint spark of forgiveness in your eyes

There you are standing right in front of me,
There you are standing right in front of me,
All this fear falls away to leave me naked,
Hold me close cause I need you to guide me to safety

There you are standing right in front of me,
There you are standing right in front of me,
All this fear falls away to leave me naked,
Hold me close cause I need you to guide me to safety

No I won't wait forever
No I won't wait forever
No I won't wait forever

I miss you like crazy but do you even care?

The Good, Bad and Beautiful

2007-07-20T03:39:00.000+08:00

3.42 in the morning. One must be thinking why in the 7 bowels of Hell am I still doing awake. I just got off the phone with a really dear friend of mine. Made me think about stuff. Right before that I was having a chat with Jon about death and funerals. Morbid stuff indeed. However, to cut a long story short, the past few days have been a really trying time for my patience.

Things that pissed the living crap out of me.

Things are not what they seem in my house in Serdang. I have a problem with a particular person who, in the holy words of Jill, treats me as a "doormat". If you didn't get the metaphor, read that line again. If you don't understand it by now, you must be Chin. Not that he reads my posts anyway. I'm just trying my best to stay as calm as possible, as long as possible and then unleashing my fury at the most unsuspecting of victims. I lashed out at him 2 days back. No difference. Some people don't change. My Ipoh friends are complicated. My Serdang friends are too.

My asshole of a group member is being your typical chinese-mentality driven asshole. No offence against sadiens, but dude you're just pissing me off. This dude acts like he knows everything but in fact he knows fuck-all. He's your typical "I am more superior that thou" kind of person, always passing sarcastic remarks about people in front of their faces. Dude, you ain't the brightest kid on the block.

People, anywhere, at the wrong place, at the wrong time, when I am in the foulest of moods got a little flavour of what I am like when I'm pissed (which I don't think is often because I prefer not to let people know). I feel fidgety. I feel uncontrollable.

My Godparents' sons and daughters we being pure mofos. Disowning your parents? Filing for a lawsuit to squander all your mum's money? What. The. Hell. Are. People. Thinking. Today?! I mean like, dude, your parents brought you up in a nice Catholic family with everything you ever needed. You people were like saints to me when I was young. Sorry to say, but, Joyce, Francis and John, I didn't expect you people to stoop so bloody low. I loved Teddy. I'm sure you guys did more.

But, as the cliche always states: "Every damn cloud has a silver lining". And silver lining I did get. Thanks to a few people and things that had happened. Thanks for keeping me sane throughout these insane times.

Things that kept me sane as crap flew all over.

A particular person. A person I have come to learn a lot about. A person who makes life worth the effort. This lady has all sorts going wrong for her recently. I shall not reveal what happened, lest it should give away her identity too easily for our ever-curious readers. But heres a clue: a little chipped paint glittering gold that eventually sparked racial slur. I admire your determination in solving your problem. A normal person would have just screwed it aside. I admire your steely resolve in keeping your cool whenever shit happens (well, at least I didn't see you blowing off steam). I admire the fact that you can be so much more matured than people so many years older than you that it sometimes makes me feel like a kid.

Above all, don't you think that we have a lot in common? Shoegazing, music, eccentricity and the likes of it... Heh

You singlehandedly prevented me from admitting myself into an asylum. It's always a blast hanging out with you. Never once had I had second thoughts when asking you to come out (which is really hard and not really often, which really blows hehe). "Once you've tasted ambrosia, you can never savour the delicacies on men." How dastardly true. And yes, I want to help you out of your current kerfuffle in life. I'd go to the ends of the world if Faizul or Faizal or some shitty name like that kinda person runs away, just to get him back here so he can pay you the cash for the chipped palette, golden brown in hue. *hugz* It's really sad that I won't be seeing you this weekend - been waiting patiently since the semester started, but, oh well..

Another person that lightened up my day is YOU! Because of your diligent clicking while browsing through the internet and stumbling upon my less-than-average blog, we have gotten ourselves a sponsor! Yes. A damn ad. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to call that ad a "damn ad" or not but yeah, feel free to clicky our sponsors so we can get some money while shoveling words into your already saturated brainsphere. And IF I get the money (provided pingz is feeling honest/goody-goody/charitable/like not shopping) I shall belanja you guys a meal k? One meal for every thousand times you clicky clicky the ad. Heh..

Thanks for the silver lining. Thanks for the company.

Let me quote, well, a quote. This belongs to someone else that I might not be inclined to name but when I read these lines I was just wondering how melancholic or happy can things be, depending on how you see it. The blog poster reads this blog which means I'm going to get some screwing but I just thought that it's a really cool phrase...

"and through it all, i miss you..."

Lyrical strands of blue hues, streak through the night breeze, the soft touches of electric, the serene glow of skin bathed in moonlight...

***updated 12.18pm 20th July 2007***
Hehe. *grin**evil laugh**more evil laugh* I just got an invite to Hellgate: London's closed Alpha! Which means friends and family only. Thank you Sol for the thoughtful invite. I really appreciate it. And to the people who don't know, generally I'll be playing the game waaaayyyyyy before its scheduled release in October. Tee hee! I'm really stoked right now and I'm high on air I think. Oh well, time to sleep again...

long lost update.. aheheh..

2007-07-18T21:31:00.000+08:00

i have an ad!! an ad!! *bounces around excitedly* ok, shall stop being over-bimbotic for no reason.

anyway, so sorry i've been MIA for so long.. been:-

1) in bandung for a debate tourney
2) lazing at home, with nothing to blog about
3) in penang for training
4) in kl for another debate tourney
5) back to school in penang, where internet services had been suspended

so, nothing much to report on, except to complain about how fucked up the new revamped system of management school is... before this, there was a 2-week-grace-period for ppl who wanted to add or drop courses.. this time around, everyone was charged since the first week! really too much... and everyone who registered late had to pay an automatic fine too.. nasib baik i had an exemption letter. but still have to pay to change a damn subject... urgh..

also i am sick... for nearly 3 weeks now (yeah yeah, again...) flu, fever and cough keep recurring.. maybe cause i'm too lazy to take the meds that i'm supposed to.. anyway, they put me to sleep and i need to stay awake for class.. *blink blink* [gee, i wonder if anyone bought that blatant lie] but anyway, really been trying to be more hardworking this sem (partly cause have crazy-ass lecturers that require attendance).. and besides i actually am studying right now, and it's only the 2nd week! (okay la, i'm partially blogging..but so what.. :P)

hrm.. guess that's all the updating for now. have not been doing much really...

One Ray of Sunlight

2007-07-08T02:00:00.000+08:00

"Goodness sometimes things get bad
But I swear
I'm doing all I can
So try all you want to
I'm gonna try too

If I get one ray of sunlight to hold in my hand
Maybe we can be happy again
I'll try for one ray of sunlight to hold in my hand
Maybe we can be happy and then...

Things don't go as I planned
But I swear I'm doing all I can
So try all you want to
I'm gonna try too

If I get one ray of sunlight to hold in my hand
Maybe we can be happy again
I'll try for one ray of sunlight to hold in my hand
And I guess if this isn't the end
Maybe we can be happy again"

by Phantom Planet, "One Ray of Sunlight"

Beautiful lyrics. Plus I feel like this now. I feel as though everything I have yearned for have spiraled into meaningless oblivion. I'm vexed by this situation. Well, as the lyrics go, if I get one ray of sunlight to hold in my hand...

I should have stayed home in Ipoh till Sunday. I came back to KL on Friday instead, thinking of plans to make with people but it turned out that everyone was either busy or just didn't feel like going out. Damn. That totally blows. Which means that I'm alone in Serdang. I don't blame these people, just love them too much to blame huh? :)

Yvonne leaves for uh... UK or was it US tomorrow! I forgot which country I'm honest and I'm a total retard. Wish her all the best. Hope to write a post on you leaving, my dear friend! Speaking of which I have TONS or promised posts unwritten because of my lazy arse, like my trip to Luna with Shwe and a few others too dumb to mention.

pingz, faster come back from KL and update this blog. It's getting pathetic under my control. heh :) and good luck for your competition in Shah Alam. Such a waste I didn't get to see you.

Another Mental Kerfuffle?

2007-06-30T05:00:00.000+08:00

Sunny once said
"Life is tough man. Life is tough."

And Mohammed (not the prophet, the Iraqi) once replied
"Yeah man. You have a Waja to drive, liquor to drink, credit cards and parents who shower you with money. Wow. Tough life"

***

Today I had the most intellectual discussion EVER with my group of friends (yes, I thought they were shallow too after knowing them for forever). No bai jokes. No keling jokes. No chinaman jokes.

It was about how fragile life is and how much we take things for granted (WTF right?). We reminisced about how many friends we have lost to accidents. The number was astonishing. One second you're listening to the blaring radio and feeling the cool breeze from the air-cond while oblivious to the vibration of the tires as they trudge through the warm tarmac surface. One more second and you're lying there, as the sickening sounds of metallic twisting ring through your aural senses, the warmth of crimson trickling down every orifice and the evil coolness of the tarmac beneath you. That's all it takes to take away a life. That's all.

How many have we lost due to medical complications? One doesn't smoke. You doesn't drink. One lives healthily. One gets cancer and dies. And again we looked at how many people we lost. Although not more than the accidents, it was still alarming.

As Alvin once said when he was drunk: "It's fate. God is great. God is great!". Yeah, he was seriously drunk but then it makes sense now.

And one more thing was the people we take for granted the most: our dearest parents. I know people who are total assholes to their parents. I've heard stories of my friends beating their mothers (don't know if its true.. been a long time since i saw him). I know people who take away their parents savings and leave them with absolutely nothing. Do not get me wrong. We are not assholes to our parents. We love them madly. But are we doing enough?

I've known this group of friends for the better part of my life. And until today, I learn new things about them. Like how I recently found out that my ex-tuition teacher is a local prominent pastor and FGA Ipoh. I've known him for 6 years already and he never told me that. Like how I found out Rich doesn't have a mum 2 weeks back. And how I saw Alvin's serious side today. Makes life interesting, doesn't it?

This is Apples. Apples left for Bunny Heaven a few days after this was taken. Death always had a macabre side. RIP.

Mental Kerfuffle

2007-06-26T02:31:00.000+08:00

It's 2.30 in the morning. I can't sleep. Every time I close my eyes a million unstoppable thoughts stream through my mind. Every time I shun them aside more will cascade into that blackness, becoming endless trains or words and actions. I hate my brain.

And since I have been a babi at updating my blog (no updates for the past 10 days as opposed to one post every 3 days as is the norm), I have decided to pen this down. I've already got a post pre-planned but I shall write about it tomorrow, maybe day after. I had the marvelous opportunity to dine, wine and whine with the extraordinarily fun Shwe. It's been so long since I had fun with someone, whining and dining. The world would end and we'd never run out of topics. And girl, if you were wondering if you were under-dressed or not, well, frankly you didn't under-dress. Your friends over-dressed because they had to use their attire to make them look hotter. You didn't need to. :)

It's 2.40 in the morning. I stare into the bland LCD thinking of.. well.. some things that only I should be worrying about. I think about what to do tomorrow. What time should I meet Invictus? Sunny? Mahan? Bleh.. That last name turned my mood sour.

So, it's one of those nights where the quatrains of thoughts cannot stop no matter how much you try. So happens I felt like writing about it. So happens you stumbled upon this piss-poor article. Most probably you never made it to this line anyways.

Ouch Ouch Ouch. But real nice. "Like a grease down and a shiatsu"

"Breathe in for luck,
breathe in so deep,
this air is blessed,
you share with me.
This night is wild,
so calm and dull,
these hearts they race,
from self control.
Your legs are smooth,
as they graze mine,
we're doing fine,
we're doing nothing at all.

My hopes are so high,
that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me,
so I die happy.
My heart is yours to fill or burst,
to break or bury,
or wear as jewelery,
which ever you prefer.

The words are hushed lets not get busted;
just lay entwined here, undiscovered.
Safe in here from all the stupid questions.
"hey did you get some?"
Man, that is so dumb.
Stay quiet, stay near, stay close they can't hear...
so we can get some.

My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me, so I die happy.
My heart is yours to fill or burst,
to break or bury, or wear as jewelery,
which ever you prefer.

Hands down this is the best day I can ever remember,
I'll always remember the sound of the stereo,
the dim of the soft lights,
the scent of your hair that you twirled in your fingers
and the time on the clock when we realized it's so late
and this walk that we shared together.
The streets were wet
and the gate was locked so I jumped it,
and I let you in.
And you stood at your door with your hands on my waist
and you kissed me like you meant it.
And I knew that you meant it.

-Dashboard Confessionals, Hands Down

Angelus

2007-06-16T18:51:00.000+08:00

It has been some time now since I wanted to get ink done. Hopefully before I graduate. I'm pretty sure there will be no regrets though and pain won't be a bloody issue since I've endured a frickin' lower lip piercing a few months back. That was perhaps the most painful thing I've ever had the pleasure of indulging myself in (besides my ear cartilage piercing which got infected back in Penang).

Here's a little something I found after a long time searching (years to be honest). It's an angel with words wrapped in ribbons around her. I was initially looking for an angel with a side profile but it's just almost impossible to find good ones. So anyhow, let us assume this would be the base design.

Instead of the names on the ribbon, it would most probably read "In caram patris mei memoriam" which translates into "in loving memory of my father". Yay! And of course, the dates 1957 to 2003 inscribed below the angel. I'll leave more room for future expansions.

Tell me what you think, people. And oh by the way, I'll tell them not to draw such crude feet for the angel and most probably I'll be doing colors. Hadn't decided on colors yet so yeah. If you think it's bullshitty or there's room for improvement tell me... :)

Want You to Know

2007-06-13T02:14:00.000+08:00

There is this particular advertisement by Sony Ericsson that I really like. I'm sure most of you guys/girls have watched it before in the theaters. It's a guy and a girl going for their anniversary at a park with an SE handphone playing a song and they both share a pair of earpiece each. I've been looking for that particular song for quite some time now and thanks to the ever-observant (ever-observant coz you can memorize song lyrics and piece them together like uber fast) pingz.

Watch the bloody commercial! I command you!

Its a song by the Freelance Hellraiser entitled Want You to Know.

Want you to know you made me happy.
Want you to know you make me sad.
Want you to know you made me happy.
You are the best thing that I ever had.

Super sweet huh? Goes out to everyone who knows me through and through and taught me more about life. Best thing that I ever had. Thanks pingz for the link. Goes out to you too :)

Aural Aphrodisiac

2007-06-07T01:25:00.000+08:00

The soft sweet and soothing songs of Norah Jones' Come Away With Me album rings slowly in the background. Only thing missing is a nice crystalline glass of white wine, served chilled with a myriad of sweets and a smoky environment to complement her voice. I lie on my bed and reminisce about the good old times (and thinking how many more times will I do this until I grow old and haggard). The good times. The bad times. The awesome people I've met. And the fucked up bastards who would be better off dead. No - I take that back. At least these people taught me lessons in life that cannot be bought by money.

Love. Hate. Love hate. Remember the glorious teenage life we all had. The way we made things much more complicated than they were and the utterly dumb ways we sought to rectify them.

Sometimes I wish life was more like a fairytale written in the stars. At times, I wish it was like a movie flick where the story almost certainly ends well. Starts off well, degrades into tear-inducing moments and ends with smiles, hugs and an everlasting love. Other times, it could be a song. Forever lovely and continuously melodious. Imagine your life - flowing past you in the rapids of time in perpetual glory. Garbage? Yes. But is it wrong to dream?

The one main driving force in life for me - friends. They make me. They sculpt me. They make me who I am. My parents sculpted me too but I would say in a limited way. My dad was a workaholic - I didn't spend much time with him and I didn't realize this until that damn day came. This leaves my mum - who I will treasure forever and ever as my mother and bestest friend. It feels really good when you can tell your parent everything about your life and all the dirty little secrets (crushes, me smoking and drinking, me being an arse) and I intend to be as honest as possible till whenever.

But my friends - each and every one of you reading this, have touched me (not physically ok) in ways that I would always remember. As I have blogged in an earlier post, I think of you guys and girls whenever I put up a song. And most probably Norah Jones triggered me to write this. You people mean a lot to me. That is all that I can say. And I know you know for yourself who you are.

A select few comes by every once in a while and the world "friendship" gets a whole new definition. One moment you don't even know him/her and the next moment you find yourselves yearning for each others company while being nothing more than friends. Now THAT is coolness.

And since not many people read this blog, I can at least drop a personal thing or two right? I feel good tonight - so here are shout-outs to the coolest bunch of people to tread the planet in centuries (as far as I know of) It's in NO particular order so don't bicker. I'm just reminising with you people that's it. :)

My 50 percent. Oh I mean 25 percent because she's half. So she's half of my other half. The coolest bitch in the world. A self proclaimed guai lui. The person who keeps me entertained online. The person I look forward to seeing every time. Known you for... 8 years? Singlehandedly fucked up our friendship for... 3 years? Loved you as a friend for... ever? If you ever need me I'd go to the ends of the world for ya (provided my 50% lets me, if I have one). My best bud. Continue rocking the world.

The Serdang Gang. Each and everyone (including those who have left). Dude's we were living like rock stars without chicks! Drugs, booze, cigs, music! You defined music for me. You showed me subdued, nonchalant fun! Remember the night we suddenly drove to Genting? Remember Steven's Corner? Remember our first time seeing KL baps? Our binge drinking parties? Our "fuck-you"attitude? Our hierarchy? Our jokes concerning fathers? Yes. I miss them too.

My makan partner. The other Agent of Culinary Tastes. Uber-funny. The pig of pigs. The places we used to go and the farked up crap that happened (remember we paid 30 bucks for 15 minutes of music? damn!) and the secret sin you commited (hehehe yeah the same night too remember?). The person who gave me 10 gigabytes of PnW music. We didn't do much (only like 8 months of knowing you?) but it's worth to think about how much you rock.

My Ipoh friend. From Ipoh to Serdang. My bestie in school. The irony. We're old now dude. Perhaps you know me the most among anyone else. Remember when I used to complain on the phone? You'd just tell me what I want to hear and be done with it. How we ever became such good pals goes beyond me. You and I are like, opposites huh?

That law student getting CLP done soon. Hard to meet. But that makes it really awesome getting to see you right? Because of you I needed to learn how to get to Subang. Because of you I got lost so many effing times. Because of you I know my way around KL pretty well now haha.

Oh no. I'm half way through and it's like I'm mass-writing testimonials for every one. Aiyer. Damn gay balls.

Homies in Ipoh. Downright assholes of the highest degree. Things used to be cooler when Mohammed was around in Ipoh. Now it just isn't the same anymore. The burger nights near Alvin's house. The drunken sausage parties at Sunnys. Alcohol galore. You guys taught me the meaning of binge drinking to the maximum.

Some people around the world. In Singapore, in UK. You too, are not an exception. Remembered every freaking time we went out and had fun you mofos.

Oh no! The horrid beams of gay-ness has made me realize what a ghey post this is! I think it;s because Norah Jones isn't playing anymore. Oh no! I shan't continue further. I have half the mind to delete this post and start over with something more masculine *flex muscle* but I think it will be a waste. So yeah. I mean the words I typed. It's not that I'm high on drugs or anything. Just (an hour ago.. now i feel like shutting out the emo part of me) wanted you guys to know I love you peeps.

"Nightingale
Sing us a song
Of a love that once belonged
Nightingale
Tell me your tale
Was your journey far too long?

Does it seem like I'm looking for an answer
To a question I can't ask
I don't know which way the feather falls
Or if i should blow it to the left

All the voices that are spinnin' around me
Trying to tell me what to say
Can I fly right behind you
And you can take me away"

-Nightingale, Norah Jones